Everything is just repetition...

Everything is just repetition...




That's why I tried to live as best as I can at present now...
That's why I want to try to value every moment when we are together (regardless of others being appreciative or not)...
That's why I repeated and repeat my statement thousands of times: If in doubt, ask me. I always ready to being truthful, just that sometimes I forget to tell or don't realise that I should explain my action (this and that, bla bla bla...)...Just don;t suffer in silence, and make a fast conclusion, and use it to interpret my personality for most of the time...


I know that my care towards others are not fake or artificial...They really come from the heart core...
I know I'm worry when other's seems to show some symptoms of sickness like cough, fever, insomnia...
As I faced it before...I know life is quite hard with those stuffs...and I just don;t want see others to suffer in the same thing again...
I know I want to see my friends being well and happy...


I'm more than happy to see some of the friends's positive progress, more than willing to accept me...
I'm thankful for those friends that always stay by my side...being willing to lend their ears and their precious time...
I'm grateful for those friends that show understanding towards my situation now, and stil willing to guide me, sometimes ...
Currently I can't deny that I'm under stress and quite depressed due to academic as well as health, emotional issue...I know I'm on recovery now yet sometimes deviation from equilibrium still occur....


I wish I can be as rational as before...Not putting too much hope and emotions in a single pot...
I know I got significant personality change from Malaysia to UK...
Even myself sometimes also confused with my own thinkings...
Now only I realised why the experts says that thinking is a powerful stuff...
Once you lose control on it...Your emotion, physical well being, relationship with those around you, all will be affected to certain extent...


And that;s more than what I can agree now...
Now I have to be careful when wake up every morning...
To assure my emotion and calmness is not severely affected...
Sometimes I need to choose to be silent...
Not because I want to suffer in silence...
I just don;t want to disturb my brain;s equilibrium...


Hostel is like a hotel to me now...
I sleep, lunch, dinner, and internet in my own...
And outstation most of the time...
I'm still too young for outstation, is it?


Yet I really have no choice...
Sometimes life is cruel indeed...
Choose between facing loneliness and study well, or choose to be worry, confused and stressed in the room most of the time?
So again, thinking is not something that we really can control 100% with our awareness...
That's why some people are driven to madness...


There will be another gathering and then, vacation for me soon...
I love gathering, It let me meet or re-meet with the friends from where I can get my full support...
I just wanna meet them...be happy together...and forget my anxiety and worry, at least for a while...
I'm more than happy to see their purely happy face...
Although truthfully speaking...I may not be as happy as them...
Happiness is something that don;t really belong to me...
Every time with some short happiness then bigger obstacle will come...
Sometimes I can smile and accept it wholeheartedly...
Yet sometimes I'll think that it is too much already...Then I know my worry will come again...


I love my vacation too...
Not to say really love...
Yet I value new experience and culture that I'm going to meet...or have met...
And I'm thankful to those friends that willing to give me a chance to fly with the them...
I know I can;t forget my academic life 100%...
Yet at least I'm more relieved?


After wake up tomorrow morning...
Same life cycle repeated again...
Study...Eating...Toilet...and Chatting with friends, sometimes...
That's not a lifestyle...
Yet that's what JH adhered to know...
As a responsibility...
Although
He may still lose his concentration, sometimes...


I pray to God:
May my family, my friend (and myself) be well and happy...