A Reflection...

When going to Portsmouth, Zest Tan says that I'm looked bored throughout the entire journey...

That may sounds rude, yet his words really reminded me something important: I have no special interest in my life...

It's not that I'm not enjoying the scenery at Plymouth, yet various factors really causes me to not enjoying my trip fully compared to others...Yet I know that I should be thankful to Zest Tan and his aunt, for sure, as I can feel Zest's effort to bring the best trip at Plymouth to us in that few short days...

And I suddenly realised this is a problem, actually...

Yet once the heart has been shaped...It cannot be changed easily...and this is the mindset that really accompanying me since Primary 6...

Life hardship teaches me that I have to work hard to change my family life for the better...I still remember my mom works so hard when I was young...I know I'm a quite obedient son...I helped the best that I can yet my ability as a child is so limited at that time...

And I realise that only education can change my family life (I don't think I should put 'my life' as the priority)...

Since then, I worked very hard...especially during PMR period...I realised that actually that's the period when secondary school students at Malaysia should enjoy their life...yet I ignore that...And when I realised that I missed a lot of memorable moment with my secondary school friends...I'm quite 遗憾 too... Yet the feeling is not so strong at that time...

Yet when I started my new life at a new country...Friends suddenly becomes increasingly important to me...I started to 'rearrange' my life priority...Yet in the end I realised that things do not always work out in the way that I desired...I tried to mix well with my  friends yet...

And I suddenly feel I wanna learn from where I should listen to the new songs...where to see the new movie...etc etc...Sometimes I tried to ask others...yet some of them seems quite ignorant...And I don't push much as perhaps this is not a too-big issue, really.

Yet perhaps learning all those things at this time is some what quite late now...

I remembered CE told me before: You are not robot...

I remembered my dad told me before: Eat when you wanna wat...Sleep when you wanna sleep...

I'm wondering: Is this the 1st time he meets his eldest son?

So I'm not enjoying my life totally now...And that's no other's fault than myself...

Yet I glad to see that my siblings know how to enjoy their own life...大弟know how to enjoy the newest movie and watch it...二弟 know how to go out with friends...小妹know where to download newest English songs and listen to it at the highest volume till my mum get mad sometime...(Hehe...)

I'm glad that at least they don't fall into the same trap as me...I'm glad that although we're under the same influence (same genetic-lah!)...They managed to stand out in their own ways...

And at least for this short period, I'm sure I can't leave out everything all at once...If you force me to take a day off...It's like almost kill me...I know this is a very wrong mindset yet once a porcelain is moulded it takes time to reshape it...

Plus, do I really wanna re-shape it?

I don't know, I just know that...I still need to concentrate on my studies at this moment...If I can't concentrate in my room for physical or emotional reason(s), then I should starting to find alternatives...

One of my biggest hope for this moment is to see my siblings succeed in their studies...And I really wanna see them graduate successfully from University...And I know that I have to take the 1st step then....Someone has to make the sacrifice...And I'm more than willing to do it...If I'm given choice, I think I'll choose the same route, perhaps...I'll rather let myself 'suffer' than to see my siblings suffer as well...

So its not my body don't want to enjoy his life...He wants...Yet he realised that his heart will not allow it...