BAMSA night really has over, then why the spirit just refuse to go? I'm just a obedient minister that carry out the order from Your Highness. Why in the end I have to face all these consequences? I already carried my wound back to the palace...Why it just can't end?
When old wound almost recover...it's poured with some salt again...
That's fine...I just know that...it's a deepest sorrow that really come back, again...
When I start to lead a normal way of life, I'm re-haunted again...
When I start to show the real smile on my face, it comes back again...
When I start to think that spring really has come, the snow from the previous winter just refuse to run away...
I just wanna start to revise seriously... I say to myself...To night I shall have a simple dinner, then I shall start my revision, happily, with a real smile from an appreciative heart :)
Yet in the God reminds me that happiness is not belong to me, always...I accept all God's arrangement wholeheartedly...although not all the time...
Tuhanku,, sesungguhnya engkau yang maha berkuasa, engkau berhak atas segala-galanya. Aku hanyalah hambamu yang kerdil dan tidak sempurna, sedia menerima segala dugaan yang bakal menimpa...
Tuhanku, berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menempuhi segala dugaan...
Aku percaya semua rancanganmu ke atasku adalah untuk menjadikan aku lebih tabah...
Tuhanku, janganlah lunturkan kasih sayang yang masih tersemat di hatiku...
Sesungguhnya aku masih memerlukannya untuk menempuhi kehidupanku sehari-hari...
Love, help me to survive...
Love to my family
Love to my friends
Love to my neighbours
Therefore I swear to myself that I should never let you all down...Therefore I swear to myself I will share all my happiness with you all...Yet I shall leave some sorrow for myself...It's unfair to let you all face the 100% consequence due to my unhappiness...
How long will the wound take to recover this time?
God, I still have exam next month, a lot of readings left to be done...I'm not as superior as what is claimed by some people...Has gone through my lecture notes 10 times...Indeed, I just start to run through them...Satisfied?
Confused again...
What should I do now?
My heart in the end hurts me continuously...this is the consequence that I have to face as I follow my heart...And in the end...Yet I never be given a choice...If I'm given choice from the beginning...I won't choose such a painful route that torture me emotionally...
I will not forget all my happy moment with you all...we travel together...Share food together...Having gatherings...Having secret pillow talks...etc...etc...
At least I have you all...Some people just don't have the opportunity to be loved like this...Our friend from Cambridge have to travel himself to Bath due to this reason...I realise his loneliness via short talk with him...And in the end I only can send a card completed in hurry to comfort his petit heart...Luckily, he's optimistic enough...
My tears almost drop down when I write this...Yet I know that the tears worth more than anything, as it is:
a tear of love,
a tear of joy,
a tear of gratefulness,
a tear of friendship
And I'm willing to cry for this...
Thanks again... :)
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