I just hope the rain won't stop now...

It's holiday is less than 2 weeks time...and suddenly a huge pile of accuses come so fast, causing trauma to me...

In the end I realise that while everyone is sleeping nicely I catch  up a new episode of insomnia, tonight...

I will just say one thing, no one really know how I have been coping. And don;t make accuse simply because of that...Fine from outside doesn;t mean inside has the same content too.

Again, I realise that, you cope well or not, alive or dead at the street, it's your own business. I realise the hard, solid, selfish fact since THAT time. Yet again I will just request your simplest help. LEAVE ME ALONE, then. There's too many claims and stories going on. I myself confused to believe either. Yet I know one solid fact: I have tried to live my life to the best, best to my condition. I know I will never satisfy everyone, yet if no one seems to be satisfied, I can only say a big SORRY to all.

I am being accused of being not honest enough. Who really dare to asked me on the 1st place? Everyone seems wanna know yet if no one ever asked, how should I know what is expected from me? And in the end, are you being honest to be on the 1st place? I asked before and non-response is your sole answer. And I learn something from it. You don;t have to tell everything to everyone, yeah, sometimes, even ti your friend. ISN'T IT???

I have a right to keep some secret.

I have a right to not anwsering your question.

I have spending 3.5 hours on the newest Pharmacokinetics workshops, which is of course a very long time, and still didn;t get the most out of it. That really means something. And, I'm not creating story. Time is too precious now to have space for other stuff. I know many people wanna save time but please don;t do it to the extreme, till you hurt others. Don;t make laziness an excuse to discriminate other people.

Living is learning from experience. That's what everyone is doing now. I seldom tell lies yet I realised that even my factual statement is sometimes easily misintntepreted by others. And in the end I will be intepreted as Mr. Hyde. In the end, I have to accept that's part of my fate, my karma...

And when at Madrid and Barcelona soon, I realised that it's an odd number group. So, yeah, I have told my Cardiff friend that I am mentally prepared for some expected outcome. Yet in the end perhaps I am just comforting myself really inconfidently.

Restrain from a lot of socials especially at weekends, like Carol's birthday at Weatherspoon, is because I have job obligation. I have been telling since ages that I need to collect my brother's driving lesson's money.

Yet I asked myself, and requested myself, this is Yean, Carol, Wan Joo's birthday, their big day. How can I left that? My heart will never allow it. so in the end although I'm spending time till 1 am at Library for those days, I sweared to myself that I will never ever wanna miss their birthday and hence, loss the chance to send my wishes to them. so that's the only time where I will be home at 8 pm and then waiting patiently.

I realised my weaknesses in the lecture since 1st year. I have short term memory that sometimes really make me feel shocked to myself. She just said this 30 seconds ago, and when i wanna get it down, I asked myself, what she said just now?

And well, perhaps English as a third language really makes me feel short-term incomprehandable sometimes. That's why I always said to myself, re-read later, everything will make more sense.

So I tried to make notes borrowing around, and at my hopes, by stages, will be fine. Everyone know that I am a fast borrower and efficient returner as well. Yet in the end i realised that after attempts to borrow notes from 5 different people for one of our Sem1 unit, I started to receive negative feedback, non-response, and the one that upset me most, delayed response. A promise is made yet it is NEVER EVER fulfilled.

Of course, in the end, I can;t blame others. That's really their own choice. So I start to work on my own more, coping on my own, silently, peacefully...

Yet in the end,
Asking others may make them feel annoyed
And when i try to on my own, I just can;t be left alone
AND I am tired of that...

Don;t kill my hope on the sunshine.
Leave me alone with the snow!
I rather freezed with the mother Nature!

So again, this is another most upset blog update I will say. I am sorry about that.

And if you think that I am creating another story here. Then, yeah, it's just a 'lie'. Go on with it because I know only myself will be upset because of it in the end. Yeah, not you, not him, not her.

A life as dictated by HIM.

I'll rather take fluoxetine than talking now.

Mom, again, I'm sorry. I disappoint you again. I break my promise.

I tried to be selfish yet I can;t.
I tried to keep everything to myself yet I can;t.

I just hope the rain won;t stop now...

雨，一生弹唱，毕生难忘。


雨爱

窗外的天气 就像是 你多变的表情 
下雨了 雨陪我哭泣
看不清 我也不想看清
离开你我安静的抽离 不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里 学会放弃
听雨的声音 一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望 雨能下不停
让想念继续 让爱变透明
我爱上给我 勇气的Rainie Love


久违的雨滴 一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气像储存爱你的记忆
真希望 雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密 能一直延续
我相信我将 会看到彩虹的美丽


冷冷的空气 很窒息 我无法呼吸
一万颗雨滴的距离 很彻底 让爱消失无息
离开你我安静的抽离 不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里 学会放弃
听雨的声音 一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望 雨能下不停
让想念继续 让爱变透明
我爱上给我 勇气的Rainie Love


《我不在家里，就在雨里。》







Breakaway lyrics
Songwriters: Gerrard, Matthew; Benenate, Bridget; Lavigne, Avril Ramona;

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes ?til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/kelly-clarkson-lyrics/breakaway-lyrics.html ]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway


© G MATT MUSIC; FRIENDS OF SEAGULLS MUSIC; WB MUSIC CORP.; ALMO MUSIC CORP; MUSIC OF WINDSWEPT; AVRIL LAVIGNE PUB LTD;