Ever feel lonely even in a crowd of people, noisily chatting around you?
And yet you feel so alone..
The noisy and happy chatter is just a background music, insignificant and has no effect on you.
Walking in a sea of people, surrounded by people who are rushing around for daily routine and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Studying in a classroom full of chatter-box like students and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Taking away from a restaurant filled with customers happily enjoying their meal and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Shopping along the thronged Oxford Street nd yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
(Extracted from http://aylwin0201.blogspot.com/2011/02/loneliness.html)
Aylwin No.2...
Loneliness is not to be blamed.
Different people, different fate.
I only can say that, it is destined.
Some say you yourself deserve it, you never try to spend any time with us.
That sounds so true.
I tried to speak out, yet I feel that my words are transparent, and has low desible.
I tried to do something, yet I feel that my presence/absence, has been so insignificant.
In the end, perhaps it's time to stop, I just don;t wanna put another false hope again.
I will do what I feel I need to / should do, silently, now.
To be away from everyone, maybe it's a punishment, maybe it's a reward.
I have to admit that, concern and nice chat with others never let me down. I appreciate, and cherish every such single moment.
I definitely will miss my friendly session at Kitchen and Room (s) of 7, Herbert Road, Bath, Avon.
It seems not far now, just about 5.5 months left.
Yet sometimes a crowd makes me headache.
I still am a normal human, with mixed feelings, and may be even with more sensitive emotion than others.
Finally I find no strength to force myself to be sociable or be in a particular group.
As I realise I don;t really feel attached to any special group at the end.
And there is some limitations really, I am sorry for not being able to shout it out here.
Apparently I have limit my own happiness due to some never solved problems/people/etc.
Walking quietly downhill from Costwold Road, Hillside, Faukland, St. Kilda, and finally, is the familiar Herbert Road.
Is where all my sense of familiarity and home, re-found.
I wish I am more selfish, more cruel, more inhumane, more irrational...
Never a person is useless on Earth. 天生我材必有用。I always believe that.
Yet sometimes there's moment people keep exerting their own believe on you.
In short, they try to judge every your own action, in their eye.
So a good action may yield bad result, and vice versa.
Someone has to start it, or it just will never end.
I just don;t want to put any hope anymore.
I may watch silently from the back stage.
And that's everything I can do.
I don;t want to let my tears roll down again, fiercely.
So I choose this path.
Which seems to be more welcoming.
There's still suffering.
My internal instinct still torture me, although I have taken the extreme pathway.
I just cannot anymore, please forgive me.
Yet, why me?
And yet you feel so alone..
The noisy and happy chatter is just a background music, insignificant and has no effect on you.
Walking in a sea of people, surrounded by people who are rushing around for daily routine and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Studying in a classroom full of chatter-box like students and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Taking away from a restaurant filled with customers happily enjoying their meal and yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
Shopping along the thronged Oxford Street nd yet the only thing you can feel is yourself alone.
(Extracted from http://aylwin0201.blogspot.com/2011/02/loneliness.html)
Aylwin No.2...
Loneliness is not to be blamed.
Different people, different fate.
I only can say that, it is destined.
Some say you yourself deserve it, you never try to spend any time with us.
That sounds so true.
I tried to speak out, yet I feel that my words are transparent, and has low desible.
I tried to do something, yet I feel that my presence/absence, has been so insignificant.
In the end, perhaps it's time to stop, I just don;t wanna put another false hope again.
I will do what I feel I need to / should do, silently, now.
To be away from everyone, maybe it's a punishment, maybe it's a reward.
I have to admit that, concern and nice chat with others never let me down. I appreciate, and cherish every such single moment.
I definitely will miss my friendly session at Kitchen and Room (s) of 7, Herbert Road, Bath, Avon.
It seems not far now, just about 5.5 months left.
Yet sometimes a crowd makes me headache.
I still am a normal human, with mixed feelings, and may be even with more sensitive emotion than others.
Finally I find no strength to force myself to be sociable or be in a particular group.
As I realise I don;t really feel attached to any special group at the end.
And there is some limitations really, I am sorry for not being able to shout it out here.
Apparently I have limit my own happiness due to some never solved problems/people/etc.
Walking quietly downhill from Costwold Road, Hillside, Faukland, St. Kilda, and finally, is the familiar Herbert Road.
Is where all my sense of familiarity and home, re-found.
I wish I am more selfish, more cruel, more inhumane, more irrational...
Never a person is useless on Earth. 天生我材必有用。I always believe that.
Yet sometimes there's moment people keep exerting their own believe on you.
In short, they try to judge every your own action, in their eye.
So a good action may yield bad result, and vice versa.
Someone has to start it, or it just will never end.
I just don;t want to put any hope anymore.
I may watch silently from the back stage.
And that's everything I can do.
I don;t want to let my tears roll down again, fiercely.
So I choose this path.
Which seems to be more welcoming.
There's still suffering.
My internal instinct still torture me, although I have taken the extreme pathway.
I just cannot anymore, please forgive me.
Yet, why me?
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