巴斯开始下雪，十分钟后，雪停了。。。
这是一个短暂的很的美好。
冬天，还是很冷。
＊＊＊
好久没有这种感觉了！
不会太过压力感的感觉，很好～
虽偶而还是会有些紧张的，但提醒已提早开始，一切应不成问题！
上帝保佑，保佑！
准备考试的时期，就是这样。
远门懒得出，要准备考试嘛！Ｃｈｅｈ，借口！
是啊，连２０１０年最后一天也不舍得和朋友出去，干嘛呀？
没办法嘛，好久没和弟妹庆祝生日了，答应他们，总要实现吧？
本来说好九点晚上的庆祝会，竟提早变七点！
理由：老妈要出去和老友卡拉ＯＫ，搞到通宵达旦，因为是新年！
哎哟，妈比我还要享受！羡慕！
其实我反而觉得：这样很好！她平日也很辛苦的，应疏解一下压力！
所以庆祝完，看着几乎坏掉的吸尘机叹气，只好再开始温书！
＊＊＊
最近开始发觉，自己已离不开网际网络。
哦，该死！
但居然不能长期面对单调的，又是，分散一下压力，也未免不是坏事！
好过不断拿零食填嘴巴，ＬＯＬ～
说是这么说，但要自律啊！
是的！
＊＊＊
开始才发觉，整个一月份都是读书的日子。
虽只两张纸，但考的东东，多到，傻掉！连莎姨都要认输！
还好啦，其实Ｐｈａｒｍａｃｙ真的是不错啦，至少读的东西，我觉得ｍａｋｅ ｓｅｎｓｅ！
若现在在学医科，哎，撞墙算了！
＊＊＊
今天轮到我洗厕所。
嗯，应该是这个星期才对！
不管啦，我只知道，应为我是第一个在我们从西班牙回来后洗厕所的人。。。
Ｏｈ ｎｏ， 差点晕倒！
也不是很不干净拉，但是。。。唔。。。嗯。。。
Ａｎｙｗａｙ，现在厕所已变得亮亮丽丽的，比黑人牙膏还要白哦！
Ｃｈｅｈ！信你才怪！
Ｗｈａｔｅｖｅｒ－ｌａｈ！开心就好！
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Can you help me?
空间上的应用，很重要。
我发觉，有些人就是不肯挤出那一点点时间，整理一下自己的东西，让自己的空间也用到更周到。
很久以前，厨房得出简直就是爆满了————被那些不知所谓的盘子爆满。不但吃位，而且碍眼。。。顶了两三天，最后我马上把他们收进一个盒子里，空间马上多了起来！
寻找“活门”！“活门”？听过曹操和杨修的故事，你就该知道了！
若真的猜不到，又很想知道，请留言，LOL~
感谢让我明白，了解这一道理的重要性：）
＊＊＊
昨晚，一位女性朋友来我们家里做客。
从过去和另外一位老朋友的谈话中知道，也醒觉，过去我对她，也许还真有些不客气。
但感谢老天还是帮我维护我和他的关系。
毕竟多一位朋友，少一位敌人，永远没错！
我在平日的生活里，真的活在压迫感之中。
你会说：那是你的选择，你活该！
我只能说：我尝试放松，但，我，真的，做不到。。。
你会说：借口！
我只能说：不是没有尝试过，责任感老是压着我。。。
真的，也许，都是我的错。
即使我对她不是很好，但当我请教她课业上的难题时，她仍帮助我。
还不时和我分享她的食物，她的快乐。。。
原来生活已经很善待自己。。。
只等着你的反应。。。
好吧，知道了，下个学期，就该有所行动！
嗯！
有些生活上的道理，我也许还未能领悟到。
只能等着老天给我领悟的机会。
就好像听歌般，到现在还是音乐痴，老是不会找新歌。
每每听朋友哼着新曲，只能微微感叹。
以前会为此懊恼。
现在却尽力接受事实。
老歌，也蛮好听的嘛！
而我更发觉，别人一听新歌就能够朗朗上口。
我呢，听了，还要再听，再听，才开始会的。。。
所以我说，不是所有都是很公平的。
但我更知道，这里比上不足，那儿比上有余！
也许最重要的：
是珍惜自己所拥有的，珍惜自己所没有的。
＊＊＊
有时，我还会想，这样写部落格，会不会太自我陶醉？
会不会套自以为是？
会不会因此而封锁自己的心灵？
亲爱的朋友们，看了我的部落格这么久，我现在慎重需要听一些回音。
中听的也好，难听的也罢。
我不想再对自己自言自语。
能否耽搁你们的一些时间，帮我回答以上的问题？
若怕太ｐｕｂｌｉｃ，可以ｐｒｉｖａｔｅ ｍｅｓｓａｇｅ！
谢谢！
Monday, 3 January 2011
命中注定
有些事实，就是不可思议。。。
明明无话可说，但到紧要关头时，出现在身边的，却是他。
我只能够对自己说，命中注定，上帝已安排我在这一刻，伸出援手。
甚至你也能对自己说：你正被利用着。往后的日子，大家还是照样生活，井水不犯河水。
其实那一刻那来临时，我已察觉到。有些事情，平时要好的人就是反而做不到。
这份秘密，心照不宣。
能够真正帮到，也感到欣慰，毕竟谁没有寂寞的时刻？
然而也更困惑，咱们到底是怎么了？
明明是关心，却死不睬对方。
望上帝继续给我力量，安心、平静的过往后的生活。
时间，会证明一切的
有人说：世上永远都是不公平的。
无可否认。
最近又在吵，这次是争辩公平的定义。
生活不是辩论，而我看着公平这两个字时，只能够微笑着。
因为我在当初也天真地相信，全部应该都是公平的。两人就是一人一半。。。等等。。。等等。。。
但我现在明了，知道，知晓：原来，生活不是永远1+1=2。。。有时是三，是十一，也可以是零。
过了太久，才明白，不是付出多少，就会得回多少。
像爱就是无以衡量的。每每会买些东西回去给弟妹。看着他们有时不屑的眼神，心里也能体会。只因为用心挑选的认识我，用时间的是我，他们不知我在过程的思想考量、挣扎，他们只看到一个最后的结局。而当他们看到时，他们还会问：为什么不是另一种颜色？等等，等等。。。
说出来，不是埋怨，不是要挖苦，只是想将内心的想法，说出来。
只因为我明了，这使得他们可能不屑一顾，但我也知道，是谁和我同一天生日，是谁愿意掏空自己的钱包帮我买电脑，是谁答应帮我学车。。。等等。。。一时的批评，不代表从来不爱过，不感激过。
而最近有人开始埋怨我的部落格，说我设这一专栏是专门对付我不爽的人。我只能说：我真的志在分享，而且从来不是没有底线，什么都说的。写时要想过。
我只能够说，上帝知道我写部落格的用意，有了这份小世界，虽是虚拟的，但不许面对太多人，对我这种内向的人来说，真是天赐的恩惠。
我知道我无法满足所有人。任何批评，我可以接受。但我很希望，批评也要合理，有礼，若只以偏概全，若是太偏激，太歪向一边，又欠对我的公平，恕我无评。
***
今天手微微颤抖着。。。
有些事，叫我死心，也许打死我也不能。
不是太固执，而是因为，我需要时间改变，接受。
以前以为不能做的事，现在，竟做到了。连自己，都觉得，不可思议。
原来这就是成长、经验、时间的力量。
是的，以前以为，自己一定放不下。但原来，有了爱的力量，有了时间的洗礼，有了体验的智慧，慢慢的，虽未能100%做到，但若开始给自己50%，我觉得OK！
***
最近被一件事困扰着。
似乎全世界都相对我说反话。
但我始终相信：我从来不愿分的！何时，分变得理所当然？
我，需要时间接受。。。
***
And a small incident today, make me re-think again of the value of human trust...
It's like my friend is demanding the notes that he borrowed me, before the dinner (may be at tea time like that). I had finished using his even earlier than that, so no problem for me, so I said: "OK."
Then later before my dinner time he visited to get back the room. I knew I got 2 questions to ask him, so I just responded, may be I'll go to your room and just return you at that time. Because I got questions to ask anyway...
"No need lah, ask now lah!..."
OK then, I am partially speechless, at that time.
When I asked him before, 'ohh, so rush. You wanna use it today? Because I know that the notes that I borrow cover the last part of our syllabus, anyway."
"Erm, not really, just wanna get it early, just in case..."
In my heart, OK, in case of what?
I can't promise anything yet I know that I myself never really procrastinating when returning stuff. I always rushed so that I can return it as soon as possible. I hate the feeling of owing something, very very much.
I thought everyone know my reputation as a notes borrower anyway. And the single incident today, is small, yet I suddenly feel that I am just be given too little trust. When I say I'll return it tonight, I'll.
Anyway, I have to realise, it's his notes, his autonomy, his power to demand. Yes, and I can't say no.
I know that I still have to respect other's rights and properties. Even in sorrow, anger, frustration, whatever.
"When you need something, you keep coming everyday until you get a stuff."
Sometimes seldom speak doesn;t mean he/she really sit on the fence. I usually thought so. Yet I realise that actually I may be wrong.
Even quiet people or people that don;t speak out at critical time, do have opinion actually. I don;t know why the opinion is kept safely in the cupboard. I don;t know. Again, it's another human value and nature, waiting too be discovered.
Finally I see the faces clearer.
Wicked smile, hmm hmm...
Sorry, I know my honesty this time may cause me in trouble again.
I'm not sure.
Yet I realise that some of us start to get stressed and confused with something at this exam period. It's human nature, anyway. I know whoever is sincere in delivering his messages. Yet sometimes the way is just too harsh, I can;t really accept it. Yet I know his intention, his words, his actions, are actually noble.
That's the value of objectivity that i always look for. Be objective, and honest, and truthful. It's hard even for myself to get it 100%. yet I thank God, to give me the eyes to see and observe, the mind to value and analyse, and the heart to feel and realise.
***
And when my petite little brother at Bath start to address us as brothers again, I realise, he may have re-discovered his courage. Yet again I think deeply, will we make it? Will us?
I just hope it's not another empty hope. It's not.
***
她问我：她的选择对吗？
从没看过他，不能评论他。
但我坚信一件事：
选了他，就是因为它可以给你快乐、安全、幸福。
所以何必还要傻乎乎的问人呢？
相信自己，给自己多一点信心，时间，会证明一切的。
无可否认。
最近又在吵，这次是争辩公平的定义。
生活不是辩论，而我看着公平这两个字时，只能够微笑着。
因为我在当初也天真地相信，全部应该都是公平的。两人就是一人一半。。。等等。。。等等。。。
但我现在明了，知道，知晓：原来，生活不是永远1+1=2。。。有时是三，是十一，也可以是零。
过了太久，才明白，不是付出多少，就会得回多少。
像爱就是无以衡量的。每每会买些东西回去给弟妹。看着他们有时不屑的眼神，心里也能体会。只因为用心挑选的认识我，用时间的是我，他们不知我在过程的思想考量、挣扎，他们只看到一个最后的结局。而当他们看到时，他们还会问：为什么不是另一种颜色？等等，等等。。。
说出来，不是埋怨，不是要挖苦，只是想将内心的想法，说出来。
只因为我明了，这使得他们可能不屑一顾，但我也知道，是谁和我同一天生日，是谁愿意掏空自己的钱包帮我买电脑，是谁答应帮我学车。。。等等。。。一时的批评，不代表从来不爱过，不感激过。
而最近有人开始埋怨我的部落格，说我设这一专栏是专门对付我不爽的人。我只能说：我真的志在分享，而且从来不是没有底线，什么都说的。写时要想过。
我只能够说，上帝知道我写部落格的用意，有了这份小世界，虽是虚拟的，但不许面对太多人，对我这种内向的人来说，真是天赐的恩惠。
我知道我无法满足所有人。任何批评，我可以接受。但我很希望，批评也要合理，有礼，若只以偏概全，若是太偏激，太歪向一边，又欠对我的公平，恕我无评。
***
今天手微微颤抖着。。。
有些事，叫我死心，也许打死我也不能。
不是太固执，而是因为，我需要时间改变，接受。
以前以为不能做的事，现在，竟做到了。连自己，都觉得，不可思议。
原来这就是成长、经验、时间的力量。
是的，以前以为，自己一定放不下。但原来，有了爱的力量，有了时间的洗礼，有了体验的智慧，慢慢的，虽未能100%做到，但若开始给自己50%，我觉得OK！
***
最近被一件事困扰着。
似乎全世界都相对我说反话。
但我始终相信：我从来不愿分的！何时，分变得理所当然？
我，需要时间接受。。。
***
And a small incident today, make me re-think again of the value of human trust...
It's like my friend is demanding the notes that he borrowed me, before the dinner (may be at tea time like that). I had finished using his even earlier than that, so no problem for me, so I said: "OK."
Then later before my dinner time he visited to get back the room. I knew I got 2 questions to ask him, so I just responded, may be I'll go to your room and just return you at that time. Because I got questions to ask anyway...
"No need lah, ask now lah!..."
OK then, I am partially speechless, at that time.
When I asked him before, 'ohh, so rush. You wanna use it today? Because I know that the notes that I borrow cover the last part of our syllabus, anyway."
"Erm, not really, just wanna get it early, just in case..."
In my heart, OK, in case of what?
I can't promise anything yet I know that I myself never really procrastinating when returning stuff. I always rushed so that I can return it as soon as possible. I hate the feeling of owing something, very very much.
I thought everyone know my reputation as a notes borrower anyway. And the single incident today, is small, yet I suddenly feel that I am just be given too little trust. When I say I'll return it tonight, I'll.
Anyway, I have to realise, it's his notes, his autonomy, his power to demand. Yes, and I can't say no.
I know that I still have to respect other's rights and properties. Even in sorrow, anger, frustration, whatever.
"When you need something, you keep coming everyday until you get a stuff."
Sometimes seldom speak doesn;t mean he/she really sit on the fence. I usually thought so. Yet I realise that actually I may be wrong.
Even quiet people or people that don;t speak out at critical time, do have opinion actually. I don;t know why the opinion is kept safely in the cupboard. I don;t know. Again, it's another human value and nature, waiting too be discovered.
Finally I see the faces clearer.
Wicked smile, hmm hmm...
Sorry, I know my honesty this time may cause me in trouble again.
I'm not sure.
Yet I realise that some of us start to get stressed and confused with something at this exam period. It's human nature, anyway. I know whoever is sincere in delivering his messages. Yet sometimes the way is just too harsh, I can;t really accept it. Yet I know his intention, his words, his actions, are actually noble.
That's the value of objectivity that i always look for. Be objective, and honest, and truthful. It's hard even for myself to get it 100%. yet I thank God, to give me the eyes to see and observe, the mind to value and analyse, and the heart to feel and realise.
***
And when my petite little brother at Bath start to address us as brothers again, I realise, he may have re-discovered his courage. Yet again I think deeply, will we make it? Will us?
I just hope it's not another empty hope. It's not.
***
她问我：她的选择对吗？
从没看过他，不能评论他。
但我坚信一件事：
选了他，就是因为它可以给你快乐、安全、幸福。
所以何必还要傻乎乎的问人呢？
相信自己，给自己多一点信心，时间，会证明一切的。
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Moonlight at Paris
知道她最近谈恋爱了。
是的，自从中学初五过后。。。
原来，爱真是无所不在。。。
看到这份消息时，没有太多的惊讶。不是因为已猜到，而是因为，恋爱，有多奇怪？
知道她现在过得很好，有一群能爱护、能照顾他的朋友，而现在，还多了一个二十四小时诚挚的男朋友，心里突然也欣慰、放心多了。
有时，不是因为不在乎，而是因为，已不需要自己在乎，已可以放心的不在乎。
不是解脱，不是失责，不是寻找借口，而是默默祝福，望能早日幸福。
巴黎的月亮还是皎洁的圆，冰心的亮。。。
而我，静静地、微笑着 :)
是的，自从中学初五过后。。。
原来，爱真是无所不在。。。
看到这份消息时，没有太多的惊讶。不是因为已猜到，而是因为，恋爱，有多奇怪？
知道她现在过得很好，有一群能爱护、能照顾他的朋友，而现在，还多了一个二十四小时诚挚的男朋友，心里突然也欣慰、放心多了。
有时，不是因为不在乎，而是因为，已不需要自己在乎，已可以放心的不在乎。
不是解脱，不是失责，不是寻找借口，而是默默祝福，望能早日幸福。
巴黎的月亮还是皎洁的圆，冰心的亮。。。
而我，静静地、微笑着 :)
Saturday, 1 January 2011
珍惜现在，实在的~
When there is someone there to talk to you, be grateful =)
When there is someone there to share with you, be grateful =)
When there is someone there to concern about you, be grateful =)
Because God arrange everything for you, and you shouldn't ask for more =)
珍惜现在，实在的。
When there is someone there to share with you, be grateful =)
When there is someone there to concern about you, be grateful =)
Because God arrange everything for you, and you shouldn't ask for more =)
珍惜现在，实在的。
Gift
It's a quiet afternoon yet I start to feel restless...
Constantly thinking too much, I am not sure, why???
And my random thoughts bring me back to the incident when I was prior to having Human Physiology paper at May/June last year (2010)...I used to study at kitchen at that time. Yeap, it's sounds bad as I occupy a public area for my own personal use. Usually I will quickly switch to my own room or another even less visited kitchen if I know my floormates are gonna use it.
Yet the night before the real exam. I start to feel so so restless. Just can;t stay in the kitchen anymore. so I run out, back to my room, it's just few steps distance anyway.
Yet I could listen to my coursemate sounds so clearly. Discussion about some MCQ questions, comparisons of answers. I was sure I was not wrong. and that's a very strange part, as I know we did not have any trial or model papers to try on.
So as usual, my curiosity is greatly agitated. i started to find whatever relevant in the library website. Any finally in the section of "Modern History" or something like that, I got a full set of 80 MCQs, nicely lied in front of me, and I was totally speechless at that time.
My emotion was so unstable at that time. And when I realise such an incident, from some friend that I thought i could trust, again, demolished without sympathy, just like that. It was a really a huge impact / 打击 on me. And I suddenly reminded of everything : "El desprecio".
Eventually I myself was stuck in a great dilemma. Should I distribute the paper to other friends, or should I keep it on my own, just like the other 2? I had no answer. I was just stuck there, struggle to make a decision.
In the end I received a phone call from a third friend, saying that he had just found out the paper as well and had distributed it. A huge relief to me, suddenly. I started to concentrate on the paper, with the determination that I would distribute my own answers for quick reference to everyone on the next morning.
And in the end i received a phone call from 3rd friend again, saying that first and second friend wanna join the answer discussion the next day, as well. Truthfully I was just so unhappy at that time. It was just too much for me, more selfish, more selfish, more selfish.
What I learnt was that sometimes things that you may think is so logic or important to you, may not be the same to others. Just from a single incident I saw the ugly face of selfish people. Suddenly a hatred grow so drastically inside me, till myself could not bear it.
Perhaps trust has a limit anyway. People is the one that create moral and he himself is the one that always ruin it. I know it's applicable to everyone anyway, including me.
So on the next few occassions I start to work very early on the pass papers as well and will distributed the answer to others, like for Pharmacology, Biopharmaceutics. Of course my own answer is not perfect. It really just meant to be a guide. I realised that, just give out like that, without thinking anything anymore, not even hope of any revenge or reward, will be the best outcome and ending for me, especially at that little moment.
And although I did have quarrel with one of the friend. My own natural distinct kept pushing me to help him. It rendered myself in great self-emotional-tortures and struggles sometimes. Yet if that's what God's will...I had no choices but to follow...
And now I still feel helpless sometimes for my next exams...Not to say that I have no confidence at all, yet I realise that I wanna more discussion, seeking some help from others, which is quite impossible, as everyone is just so busy now...and I just don;t really know how to start such seeking journey...I know everyone will progress very soon...And myself can only pray that I could work smoothly as well...
Yeah, God arrange a lot of limitations to me. Yet He arrange the resolution for me, as well, at the same time. To make me grow is not to hide me from any troubles, yet is to expose me to all sorts of troubles so that i know how to face in the future. Truthfully, i am grateful for that. And even to realise this simple fact is actually such a great gift from Him, too... :)
May myself and all beings be well, be happy...
Sadhu sadhu sadhu...
Constantly thinking too much, I am not sure, why???
And my random thoughts bring me back to the incident when I was prior to having Human Physiology paper at May/June last year (2010)...I used to study at kitchen at that time. Yeap, it's sounds bad as I occupy a public area for my own personal use. Usually I will quickly switch to my own room or another even less visited kitchen if I know my floormates are gonna use it.
Yet the night before the real exam. I start to feel so so restless. Just can;t stay in the kitchen anymore. so I run out, back to my room, it's just few steps distance anyway.
Yet I could listen to my coursemate sounds so clearly. Discussion about some MCQ questions, comparisons of answers. I was sure I was not wrong. and that's a very strange part, as I know we did not have any trial or model papers to try on.
So as usual, my curiosity is greatly agitated. i started to find whatever relevant in the library website. Any finally in the section of "Modern History" or something like that, I got a full set of 80 MCQs, nicely lied in front of me, and I was totally speechless at that time.
My emotion was so unstable at that time. And when I realise such an incident, from some friend that I thought i could trust, again, demolished without sympathy, just like that. It was a really a huge impact / 打击 on me. And I suddenly reminded of everything : "El desprecio".
Eventually I myself was stuck in a great dilemma. Should I distribute the paper to other friends, or should I keep it on my own, just like the other 2? I had no answer. I was just stuck there, struggle to make a decision.
In the end I received a phone call from a third friend, saying that he had just found out the paper as well and had distributed it. A huge relief to me, suddenly. I started to concentrate on the paper, with the determination that I would distribute my own answers for quick reference to everyone on the next morning.
And in the end i received a phone call from 3rd friend again, saying that first and second friend wanna join the answer discussion the next day, as well. Truthfully I was just so unhappy at that time. It was just too much for me, more selfish, more selfish, more selfish.
What I learnt was that sometimes things that you may think is so logic or important to you, may not be the same to others. Just from a single incident I saw the ugly face of selfish people. Suddenly a hatred grow so drastically inside me, till myself could not bear it.
Perhaps trust has a limit anyway. People is the one that create moral and he himself is the one that always ruin it. I know it's applicable to everyone anyway, including me.
So on the next few occassions I start to work very early on the pass papers as well and will distributed the answer to others, like for Pharmacology, Biopharmaceutics. Of course my own answer is not perfect. It really just meant to be a guide. I realised that, just give out like that, without thinking anything anymore, not even hope of any revenge or reward, will be the best outcome and ending for me, especially at that little moment.
And although I did have quarrel with one of the friend. My own natural distinct kept pushing me to help him. It rendered myself in great self-emotional-tortures and struggles sometimes. Yet if that's what God's will...I had no choices but to follow...
And now I still feel helpless sometimes for my next exams...Not to say that I have no confidence at all, yet I realise that I wanna more discussion, seeking some help from others, which is quite impossible, as everyone is just so busy now...and I just don;t really know how to start such seeking journey...I know everyone will progress very soon...And myself can only pray that I could work smoothly as well...
Yeah, God arrange a lot of limitations to me. Yet He arrange the resolution for me, as well, at the same time. To make me grow is not to hide me from any troubles, yet is to expose me to all sorts of troubles so that i know how to face in the future. Truthfully, i am grateful for that. And even to realise this simple fact is actually such a great gift from Him, too... :)
May myself and all beings be well, be happy...
Sadhu sadhu sadhu...
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