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It's a moment of restless, again...

Not now, have gone through it...

Truthfully speaking I am a bit upset about what have happened to me, recently...

Rotating duties is of course a must-do matter. Yet in the end I have forgotten to put back the plastic for the food bin, and then, all of them (or I should say: he) wait for me to come back and to replace the plastic????? Then after that, I received another feedback: Ohh, you have forgotten to throw the label for the plastic bags...

I am like: What the...?????

Fine then, that's really fair enough. It's my weekly duty work. so I suppose I must do everything.

Yet actually I wanna shout out: Can;t you (or one of you) just help me to replace the plastic bag? It will just take you about few seconds, and won;t even consume 1 mole of your ATP...

In the end, I sighed to myself. I suppose I do help to sweep the floor, replace the plastic for the dustbin and wipe the toilet/sink, sometimes, even though it may be is not my duty for that week.

It's OUR house, and I believe if it is in your own house, you will do everything without saying: Is this my duty for this week???

If everything is so countable, your life will be in a total miserable...I will say...Even cleaning my house seems like my duty...I arranged the books in my own house weekly, and now, after I have gone to UK, I guess it will be arranged in yearly basis, as all my siblings are too 'lazy' and feel 'can;t bother' to arrange those heavy books...

I sighed again, sometimes I do feel like I am my mom. She works so hard for everything. she arranged the house every morning before going to work. Then it's a whole day work, then she will be home for a while, then she has to go out again, to look after the photocopy shop...

Since young I admire her spirit and work hard to be like my mother. I never feel "can't bother", and I tried to 'campur tangan' or participate in my house core: Finance planning, furniture positions, weekly grocery shopping, miscellaneous equipments, bla bla bla...Well then, this is because I tried to help my mom in some way. I can;t see her alone, and I will never leave her alone. Why? Because my father in contrast, is a total ignorant. He just seems can;t bother most of the time. I feel upset and disappointed about it. I talked about it to him hundreds times, and failed hundreds times.

And in the end, I even am so 'patgua'.When I am at home, I must make sure I know where my siblings had gone. School, shop, friend;s house, tuition, or actually eating in the kitchen? It's kinda of a habit. Good at Keningau, as everybody get used to it, and bad here, as individualism is preferred, most of the time.

Therefore again it's a state of changing mind, again. Sometimes I feel so unnatural. I know I shouldn;t be bothered by most of the things, yet I fail, I fail...That's why...

I know 1st housemate of kinda OK with everything, easy going.
I know 2nd housemate is in same mind state with me. He don;t really bother about criticising anyway. And I feel proud to at least having someone acknowledge that this is OUR house and not everything should be countable.
3rd housemate is also OK-lah...speechless...

I still can't forget.
I remind myself thousand times, and failed thousand times.
And I know, that's why, I am like this now...

Ma, sorry for my wrong doings to you before I left. I think I am getting the punishment now.
I am just SO SORRY...

***

"Love to see others suffering"
will be a total blame that I can;t take. It's just too heavy.

Who knows whether I am suffering or not, at this exam period?
Who knows if I have insomnia or not, when he'she claimed that he/she can;t sleep well?

I may seems laugh sinisterly at the other side of the phone...
Yet who will see if tear drops on the phone screen?

Just wanna end this with a song that I fall in love recently, as it blends harmoniously with my heart.