ㄧ念之差的女孩

ㄧ念之差的女孩‏

那是在十年前的一天，

當這位老師正利用中午休息時間，在家裡睡覺時，

突然間，電話鈴響了，她接過來一聽，

裡面卻傳出一個陌生粗暴的聲音說：

「你家的小孩偷書，現在被我們抓住了，你快來啊！」

在話筒裡還傳出一個小女孩的哭鬧聲，和旁邊人的喝叱聲。

她回頭眺望著一邊正在看電視的唯一女兒，心中立即就明白過來。

                   肯定是有一位小女孩，因為偷書被售貨員抓住了，

而又不肯讓家裡人知道，所以，胡編了一個電話號碼，

才踫巧打到這裡。
她當然可以放下電話不理，甚至也可以斥責對方，

因為這件事，和她沒有任何關係。
但自己是老師，說不定她就是自己的學生呢？透過電話，她隱約可以設想出，

那個一念之差的小女孩，

一定非常驚慌害怕，正面臨著也許是人生中最可怕的境地。

猶豫了片刻之後，她的腦海裡突然冒出了一個念頭，

對了，就這樣做。

於是，她問清了書店的地址之後，就趕了過去。正如她預料的那樣，

在書店裡站立著一位滿臉淚跡的小女孩，

而旁邊的大人們，正惡狠狠的大聲斥責著。

她一下衝上去，將那個可憐的小女孩摟在懷裡，

轉身對旁邊的售貨員說道：「有什麼跟我說吧，不要嚇著孩子。」

在售貨員不情願的嘀咕聲中，她交清了幾十元罰款，

才領著這個小女孩，走出了書店，

並看清楚了那張被淚水與驚恐，弄得一塌糊塗的臉。

她笑了起來，將小女孩領到家中，好好清理了一下，

什麼都沒有問，就讓小女孩離開了，

臨走時，她還特意叮囑道，如果你要看書，就到阿姨這裡來，

裡面有好多書呢。

驚魂未定的小女孩，深深的看了一眼，

便飛一般的跑走了，便再也沒有出現。

時間如流水匆匆而過，

不知不覺間，十年的光陰，一晃而過，

她早已忘記了這件事，依舊住在這裡，過著平靜安祥的生活。

有一天的中午，門外響起了一陣敲門聲。

當她打房門後，看到了一位年輕漂亮的陌生女孩，

露著滿臉的笑容，手中還捧著一大堆禮物。

「妳找誰？」

她疑惑的問道，但女孩卻激動的說出一大堆話。

好不容易，她才從那個陌生女孩的敘述中，

恍然發現，原來她就是當年偷書的那個小女孩，

十年之後，已經順利從大學畢業，現在還特意來看望自己。

這個年輕女孩眼睛裡泛著淚光，輕聲說道﹕

「雖然我至今都不明白，

您為什麼願意冒充我媽媽，解救了我，

但我總覺得，這十年來，一直都想喊您一聲∼媽媽！」

老師的眼睛裡，也開始糊模起來，她有些好奇的問道﹕

「如果那天我不幫妳，會發生怎樣的結果？」

女孩的臉上，立即變得陰沉下來，輕輕搖著頭說道：

「我說不清楚，也許就會去做傻事，甚至是去死。」

老師的心中猛然一顫，開始暗暗慶幸。

自己當年在一念之間所做出的決定，

竟然可以如此影響到一個人的一生。

望著女孩臉上幸福的笑容，她也一起笑了起來。

逃避.不一定躲的過

面對.不一定最難受

孤單.不一定不快樂

得到.不一定能長久

失去.不一定不再有

轉身.不一定是軟弱

看看現在的自己的生活條件，

再回想十年後的自己

也許你現在所做的決定

可以影響你的一生

Citation:http://khye79.blog.friendster.com/ 

Back from Library...

Back from Library: 12am...Hm...Better than yesterday-lah...Yesterday is 2am...

On the way, I realise: its cold, so cold...and due to some physics theory, it is obvious wind is always flowing stronger in between library and other university buildings...

I'm shaking...and then I see the familiar orange lamp from Derhill, then I'll start to wonder: Have Kenny or 194 slept?

You'll say: Why Jackie is complaining again? Previously, indeed...Now, not really...I realise that I should be grateful to God...At least I'm still be allocated a place to stay at University of Bath...although it requires extra works, extra time, extra thoughts, extra realisation...It;s more than worth it?

At least I still have the chance to walk back to my hostel from library...I wonder if I have moved out next year... University library will not be just walking distance away already...That time I will have to face bus problems some more...

That's why:
Appreciate what we have now...
Appreciate what we don't have now...

感谢我所拥有的。。。
感谢我所没有的。。。

Walk further up: Just beside Derhill: Hm~~~ That's my Wolfson Terrace...My home at University of Bath...and when I see the sign of "Wolfson Terrace"...I sigh, think of the same wish again: I wanna take a photo with this signboard as the background, and, of course, with my neighbour...

Haha~~~I realise that some dream is just too luxurious for me now...That's why sometimes we say: We can dream, always, but not all will come true...Am I too greedy to make that wish? Its so simple, its more than easy, previously...And I realise, its more than difficult, now...如果的事。。。

Dark...

Turn the key, open the door....Smart sensor show some pity at least...Lamps on again...And I walk slowly upstairs...And in the end...I back to my floor...I open the door slowly...Holding it against my hand to assure it will not 'bang' heartlessly, disturbing the sleep of my neighbours...

Now, sometimes dinner is just too luxurious for me as well...Blame me: I'm not hungry...I have no time...I have no energy...I'm sleepy...I don't want to disturb other's sleep...etc...etc...What nonsense is these?

I just can't think now...

Good night :)

Sweet dream, YH, CE, LE, VS, WC, SY...

May you all be well and happy, always :)

BAMSA night is over

BAMSA night really has over, then why the spirit just refuse to go? I'm just a obedient minister that carry out the order from Your Highness. Why in the end I have to face all these consequences? I already carried my wound back to the palace...Why it just can't end?



When old wound almost recover...it's poured with some salt again...


That's fine...I just know that...it's a deepest sorrow that really come back, again...


When I start to lead a normal way of life, I'm re-haunted again...

When I start to show the real smile on my face, it comes back again...

When I start to think that spring really has come, the snow from the previous winter just refuse to run away...


I just wanna start to revise seriously... I say to myself...To night I shall have a simple dinner, then I shall start my revision, happily, with a real smile from an appreciative heart :)


Yet in the God reminds me that happiness is not belong to me, always...I accept all God's arrangement wholeheartedly...although not all the time...


Tuhanku,, sesungguhnya engkau yang maha berkuasa, engkau berhak atas segala-galanya. Aku hanyalah hambamu yang kerdil dan tidak sempurna, sedia menerima segala dugaan yang bakal menimpa...

Tuhanku, berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menempuhi segala dugaan...

Aku percaya semua rancanganmu ke atasku adalah untuk menjadikan aku lebih tabah...

Tuhanku, janganlah lunturkan kasih sayang yang masih tersemat di hatiku...
Sesungguhnya aku masih memerlukannya untuk menempuhi kehidupanku sehari-hari...


Love, help me to survive...


Love to my family

Love to my friends

Love to my neighbours


Therefore I swear to myself that I should never let you all down...Therefore I swear to myself I will share all my happiness with you all...Yet I shall leave some sorrow for myself...It's unfair to let you all face the 100% consequence due to my unhappiness...

How long will the wound take to recover this time?

God, I still have exam next month, a lot of readings left to be done...I'm not as superior as what is claimed by some people...Has gone through my lecture notes 10 times...Indeed, I just start to run through them...Satisfied?

Confused again...

What should I do now?

My heart in the end hurts me continuously...this is the consequence that I have to face as I follow my heart...And in the end...Yet I never be given a choice...If I'm given choice from the beginning...I won't choose such a painful route that torture me emotionally...


I will not forget all my happy moment with you all...we travel together...Share food together...Having gatherings...Having secret pillow talks...etc...etc...

At least I have you all...Some people just don't have the opportunity to be loved like this...Our friend from Cambridge have to travel himself to Bath due to this reason...I realise his loneliness via short talk with him...And in the end I only can send a card completed in hurry to comfort his petit heart...Luckily, he's optimistic enough...

My tears almost drop down when I write this...Yet I know that the tears worth more than anything, as it is:

a tear of love,

a tear of joy,

a tear of gratefulness,

a tear of friendship

And I'm willing to cry for this...


Thanks again... :)

人生。。。

我喜欢曼彻斯特朋友博客上的一句话：

换个角度想，
人生有多少个流浪街头的经验呢？

是啊！

人生，
因过去而可贵。。。
因现在而体会。。。
因未来而漫长。。。

经验，
是人生的明镜。。。
是生活的体会。。。
是成长的见证。。。
是成熟的象征。。。

做人：
要坦然；
要自然；

不然，
只有茫然。。。

我会继续以笑容来过日子 :)

最近和一位朋友闹僵了。。。朋友们都说，合不来就不要在一起。。。说得对。。。

看到他时也不在和他讲话，就像他一样。。。

但我发觉这是很不自然的做法。。。

我发觉，良心正在谴责我。。。跟我说，这是不对的！

是啊！但朋友们的意见没有错吧。。。

居然如此，这是对的。。。那我为何还是觉得很不快乐？

这真是有史以来，我违背着自己的良心做人做了这么久。。。

我，还能够继续维持多久？心理的矛盾一直纠缠着我。。。真的。。。有时。。。很辛苦。。。很辛苦。。。很辛苦。。。

做了这么多年的朋友。。。现在已这样的结局曲终人散。。。我，难以接受。。。

亲爱的朋友们，我，又辜负了你们的期望。。。

我只想正常、快快乐乐地过日子。。。大家一起分享。。。一起快乐。。。一起为对方加油、打气。。。一起好好生活。。。我真的不想故意丢下任何人。。。然后为自己编出最美丽的借口来说服自己。。。

人生路上。。。活了二十年。。。我真的不想再继续过这违背着良心的日子。。。但我知道。。。即使再退。。。结局，也是一吧。。。

来到了英国后，经历过的点点滴滴教我要以坦然的心面对一切挫折。。。所以即使今天我为了片刻不见钥匙而几乎想痛哭。。。眼泪不再流出来。。。

亲爱的家人及朋友们，为了你们，为了自己，我答应：我，会继续以笑容来过日子。。。


天，还是一样的蓝。。。
海，还是一样的阔。。。

Words to My Siblings...

Dear siblings:

Exam is around the corner...Have you been well-prepared?

I never push you all. Usually I only give advice from "backstage"...remember to read your reference book, study smart and study hard, revision must be done regularly, and so on, and so in...Yet how many words has really entered your brain?

I never push or force as study is a process that must be carried from your own desire...You yourself decide how much time and effort to be put in...Be it consistent reading, occasional reading, or even last-minute reading...The choice is yours...i can only give advice...Of course, the final result is in your hand, and it belongs to you. Yet at the end of the day, there will be another person that will be happy or worry for your result as well. Yeah, thats me :)

I never push you all, as that's what papa and mama has done to me as well. I know they will never want me to push myself too hard until I have no time and space to breath...I know they want me to live a happy, meaningful life...Yet the reality of life always remind me: You still have this and that responsibities...Of course, responsibilities are endless...So you have to find the balance yourself, really...And that's what I'm doing now...Thanks to so many friends that have taught me how to live a happy and meaningful life indirectly...I start to re-appreciate the beauty of nature, start to slow down my pace of life, start to appreciate my breakfast period (which I thought I will have no time for it before...)...So is all of these are positive changes? Will I be overwhelmed by the comfort till I forget my real commitment? I hope, and I believe, I won't...

I will never push you all...Because I believe that every person has his/her own potential to be discovered and fully utilised...Academic life is just part of it...And I'm more than happy to see that you all have slowly grown up to become mature, well-being adult...Adulthood is "cool", yet with more responsibilities as well...And I admit, I still learning as well...Yet I'm happy to see that you all have your own social cycle (better than mine) which will help you in this process...And I can see that you all start to explore different aspects of life that perhaps myself never touch...For me, GO AHEAD as long as long it's beneficial... :)

I always believe in you all...You all will never let me down...I never get full A for my UPSR or PMR, yet Ah Seng and Chee help me to realise each of the dream, respectively...I never travel around whole Sabah although I'm Sabahan, yet again, you all help me to realise this dream, again...Ricky went to Kudat, Ang Ang went to Beaufort, Chee went to Tawau, Ah Seng went to Sandakan and Beaufort...Thanks to the primary school Malay teachers that believe in our Ho's Family Malay ability and send each one of us for the "Ujian Bertulis Bahasa Malaysia"...And I hope, really hope that Ah Fook will get the chance as well, eventually...

And you know what...My brother task never stop even at University of Bath...I also have a petit, cute little brother to be look after here...Same age as Ricky, difference by 7 months...one year smaller than me, yet only differed by 7 months as well, too...Perhaps one day you all will have a chance to see him personally... :)

To those that having exam, just push yourself a little harder although again, choice is in your hand...I say like this because I just know you all, you all never fully utilise your oen maximum capabilities. I mean, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS! Lets work together, OK?

I started to realise my service and concern is no longer really needed after arrive at UK...Perhaps I'm thinking too much...I don't know...What I know is: No matter what, I will always be your brother, that will always support you...I may not be able to express my love directly...Yet I hope that, you will realise it... )

5+1...=6, simple mathematics, simple theory, simple life...1 will never be outlier... :)


Loves across oceans and mountains,
Your bro, always
Jackie

Love Theory

Love is an intense feeling of fondness or attraction, deeper and stronger than liking, especially when associated with a romantic or sexual attachment to someone.#

According to a popular toxonomy proposed by the Canadian sociologist John Alan Lee (born 1933) in The Colors of Love: an Exploration of The Ways of Loving (1973), there are 3 primary and 3 secondary types of love that blend into diffrerent shades like colours.

The 3 primary types being:
1. Eros - Erotic or passianote love.
2. Ludus - Ludic or playful love.
3. Storge - Storgic or friendly/affectionate love.

And, the 3 secondary types of love being:
1. Pragma (Pragmatic or utilitarianm love, combining ludus and storge).
2. Mania (Manic or obsessive/posessive love, a combination of ludus and eros).
3. Agape (Agapic or brotherly love, an altruistic or selfless combination of eros and storge).

According to the Triangular Theory of Love proposed in 1986 by the US phychologist Robert J(effrey) Sternberg (born 1949), there are 3 basic components of love, namely;
1. Passion (Sexual desire).
2. Intimacy (Confiding and sharing feelings).
3. Commitment (Intention to maintain the relationship.

Different combinations of the 3 components yielding 8 basic types:
1. Non-love (none of the 3 components are present).
2. Infatuated love (passion only).
3. Liking/friendship (intimacy only).
4. Empty love (commitment only).
5. Romantic love (passion and intimacy).
6. Companionate love (intimacy and commitment).
7. Fatuous love (passion and commitment).
8. Consummate love (passion, intimacy and commitment).

Extract from:
Dictionary of Psychology (by Andrew M.Colman), 2006, New York: Oxford University Press.

Which types of love are you in?

THANK YOU

To Yean, thanks for giving useful advice and reminders based on own past experience...

To Carol, thanks for always being there to listen to my heart's whisper...

To Kenny, thanks for being a great company since UCSI and brighten up my days with your laughter, always...

To Guarino, thanks for your previous leisure walk that \makes me discover the real and tranquil beauty of Bath...

To Ang, thanks for being a great friend that help me to grow up...

To Sin Yee, thanks for being so near to me so that I have a girl to talk to in boringness...

To Jecerlyn, thanks for your great kindness in stimulating my academic interest...

To Wan Joo and Jessica, thanks for accompany me occasionally at library, and brighten up my night with the happy atmosphere...

To Kenny Lim, thanks for the accompany during each workshop and lab work session, at least I have someone familiar around to look for...

To Michelle, thanks for your willingness to share your knowledge that improve my French...

To Kelsey, thanks for being a great floormate! Appreciate dinner session with you Kel!

Keningau

Kota Kinabalu

Miri

Kuala Lumpur

Bath

London

Manchester

Cardiff

Nottingham

To all my friends at Malaysia and UK, thanks for willingness to become my friend...I appreciate each moment with you all that truly cherish my everyday life...

I learn more from you all...

I know more from you all...

I share my happiness with you all...

I share my sorrow with you all...

I grow up with you all...'

THANK YOU SO MUCH~~~

MY FRIEND :)

Friendship Forever...

不再。。。

为一切的种种过错道歉。。。

为一切的美好回忆微笑。。。

为一切的口角争执流泪。。。

为一切的美好将来送上最真诚的祝福。。。

因为爱。。。

所以爱。。。

爱之深。。。

恨之更深。。。

爱之深。。。

痛之更深。。。

因为爱。。。

所以仍抱希望。。。

因为爱。。。

所以执迷不悟。。。

因为爱。。。

所以当局者迷。。。

但，

感谢上帝，

旁观者清！

一次又一次的原谅。。。

一次又一次的伤害。。。

一次又一次的无言。。。

周而复始，

何时停止？

放弃是一段开始。。。

结束是一丝新光。。。

说是容易做时难。。。

这是另一份荒唐的借口？

还是另一份错误的希望？

脆弱的心灵不想再受伤害。。。

疲倦的身体不想再次流浪。。。

厌倦的思想想为一切画上句号。。。

残酷的事实却质问：你能吗？
过去的现实提醒我：你能逃出那无边的思念？

在人前嘻嘻哈哈。。。

在幕后寂静沉思。。。

踏出了第一步。。。

接下来呢？

嗯。。。

我只能够希望：

那艘船最终将靠岸。。。

不再迷失。。。

不再流浪。。。

不再。。。

不再。。。