Just read a post from a close friend...
And it's good at least, it's a memory trigger session that don;t really trigger emotion significantly?
Is it? Why there's tears that almost drop out, then?
Haha, I DON'T KNOW.
Rejecting an offer may hurt others. I know the fact long time ago, and I know that I have hurt someone indirectly today. I'm sorry for that.
Used to remember old times when someone, and perhaps, the only one will visit my lonely room at USCI consistently, from time to time, just to 'annoy' me. I remember when I was reading so deeply, till then I only realise that someone has opened my drawer.
Not really annoyed anyway. Because i never keep condom/girlfriend's pictures/private stuff inside drawer. Yet of course you are a bit shocked when someone opened your drawer, without your permission...
I will show a slightly angry face, and then everything is solved. As both take the actions lightly anyway, as I don't mind.
Yet the story is different now. I can;t speak out a words. Even if I wanna really be 'phat-gua' / concern, I choose not to in the end. Because I don;t want to get hurt simply, again. I know it's so unnatural, yet based on my emotional and psychological state now, i really don;t dare to challenge myself to do anything.
***
Criticising other's notes. Seldom do it. Usually I choose to comment on the aspects where I think I can add supplementary notes for my friend, or when I think something is just not right.
Yet I admit that I do criticising someone's notes. I'm happy to see his progress this semester. Burning midnight oils, and I hardly able to do it now.
Yet when I see the empty notes, I feel slightly shocked, what happened then? Just hope that some positive progress / improvement will be made. Yet perhaps I forget that a patient can;t take all pharmacist's words, anyway...
So even now i myself has rarely borrowed notes from others. Year 2 is a busier year, I guess. I remembered a girl even asked me, why don;t just read the textbook? I myself wish to avoid all those borrowing hassles, yet my memory before is actually just SO BAD...and that makes me feel pushed to just use the lecture notes...Of course, I still use some textbook, anyway... :)
It's an effort to get to borrow these notes, especially when you are the one who is being ignored, usually. Usually you'll be in the queue, and that almost means that you will never get the notes, unless re-emphasization is made.
In the end I realise that I get more blank spaces for this year compared to last year. The funny part is, this year is counted while last year is not. So? In the end I just feel wanna take everything easily...Not sure if I am doing the right thing.
Still remember keeping all those nonsense hope, even at 1st year. So stupid until I actually have always unlock the door of my L4.02 room for the whole year, when I am always in the hostel. I know that I keep some hope at that time because of that. YET not now, again. NOT now. And yet I still have to unlock my room door this year, not because of keeping old hopes, but due to 'memang' no lock for this house's rooms from initial point, LOL~
In the end I have no choice but to accept that society is harder, more selfish and more creepy than what I can really imagine previously. My innocent childhood hope is destroyed just like that. It's an extreme change in belief, yet I belief that 'The Pig Philosophy' do have to work, this time.
In the end I even choose to be closed. Tired of being too open, too honest, too transparent. Too honest is criticised. Keeping secret intentionally is criticised. Keeping secret unintentionally, also criticised.. In the end, I can only smile and say: whateverrrrr lahhhhhhh ...........
I still keep some innocent hope. Yet I wonder, will eventually all is just demolished like that in the end, in order to become real Mr. Jackie Ho? No answer. Yet I know that Old Jackie will never come back. It's too painful, too harsh to get him back. He has no other wishes, he just wishes to continue his life very quietly, on his own, with his still-remaining-strength, and of course still have to be judged and criticised by others.
活在当下
活出自己
Only God know I still keep how many hopes in the end. It maybe countless. It maybe too greedy.
Only God know how I am grateful to everyone that willing to borrow me their notes. Apology if I am just too pushing sometimes. I don;t know how to show my gratitude.
Only God know, how many things should I keep thinking on now. Tired of thinking too many life stuffs, as in 1st year.
Yet for this moment, I only wanna know about ACE-inhibitor, thromboembolism, HDL, Sympathetic nervous system, juxtaglomerular apparatus, renin, solubility, liposome, suspension, Newtonian Fluid...
Deviation...and please back to 16 and 18, NOWWWW!!!
And it's good at least, it's a memory trigger session that don;t really trigger emotion significantly?
Is it? Why there's tears that almost drop out, then?
Haha, I DON'T KNOW.
Rejecting an offer may hurt others. I know the fact long time ago, and I know that I have hurt someone indirectly today. I'm sorry for that.
Used to remember old times when someone, and perhaps, the only one will visit my lonely room at USCI consistently, from time to time, just to 'annoy' me. I remember when I was reading so deeply, till then I only realise that someone has opened my drawer.
Not really annoyed anyway. Because i never keep condom/girlfriend's pictures/private stuff inside drawer. Yet of course you are a bit shocked when someone opened your drawer, without your permission...
I will show a slightly angry face, and then everything is solved. As both take the actions lightly anyway, as I don't mind.
Yet the story is different now. I can;t speak out a words. Even if I wanna really be 'phat-gua' / concern, I choose not to in the end. Because I don;t want to get hurt simply, again. I know it's so unnatural, yet based on my emotional and psychological state now, i really don;t dare to challenge myself to do anything.
***
Criticising other's notes. Seldom do it. Usually I choose to comment on the aspects where I think I can add supplementary notes for my friend, or when I think something is just not right.
Yet I admit that I do criticising someone's notes. I'm happy to see his progress this semester. Burning midnight oils, and I hardly able to do it now.
Yet when I see the empty notes, I feel slightly shocked, what happened then? Just hope that some positive progress / improvement will be made. Yet perhaps I forget that a patient can;t take all pharmacist's words, anyway...
So even now i myself has rarely borrowed notes from others. Year 2 is a busier year, I guess. I remembered a girl even asked me, why don;t just read the textbook? I myself wish to avoid all those borrowing hassles, yet my memory before is actually just SO BAD...and that makes me feel pushed to just use the lecture notes...Of course, I still use some textbook, anyway... :)
It's an effort to get to borrow these notes, especially when you are the one who is being ignored, usually. Usually you'll be in the queue, and that almost means that you will never get the notes, unless re-emphasization is made.
In the end I realise that I get more blank spaces for this year compared to last year. The funny part is, this year is counted while last year is not. So? In the end I just feel wanna take everything easily...Not sure if I am doing the right thing.
Still remember keeping all those nonsense hope, even at 1st year. So stupid until I actually have always unlock the door of my L4.02 room for the whole year, when I am always in the hostel. I know that I keep some hope at that time because of that. YET not now, again. NOT now. And yet I still have to unlock my room door this year, not because of keeping old hopes, but due to 'memang' no lock for this house's rooms from initial point, LOL~
In the end I have no choice but to accept that society is harder, more selfish and more creepy than what I can really imagine previously. My innocent childhood hope is destroyed just like that. It's an extreme change in belief, yet I belief that 'The Pig Philosophy' do have to work, this time.
In the end I even choose to be closed. Tired of being too open, too honest, too transparent. Too honest is criticised. Keeping secret intentionally is criticised. Keeping secret unintentionally, also criticised.. In the end, I can only smile and say: whateverrrrr lahhhhhhh ...........
I still keep some innocent hope. Yet I wonder, will eventually all is just demolished like that in the end, in order to become real Mr. Jackie Ho? No answer. Yet I know that Old Jackie will never come back. It's too painful, too harsh to get him back. He has no other wishes, he just wishes to continue his life very quietly, on his own, with his still-remaining-strength, and of course still have to be judged and criticised by others.
活在当下
活出自己
Only God know I still keep how many hopes in the end. It maybe countless. It maybe too greedy.
Only God know how I am grateful to everyone that willing to borrow me their notes. Apology if I am just too pushing sometimes. I don;t know how to show my gratitude.
Only God know, how many things should I keep thinking on now. Tired of thinking too many life stuffs, as in 1st year.
Yet for this moment, I only wanna know about ACE-inhibitor, thromboembolism, HDL, Sympathetic nervous system, juxtaglomerular apparatus, renin, solubility, liposome, suspension, Newtonian Fluid...
Deviation...and please back to 16 and 18, NOWWWW!!!
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