幸福摩天轮

圣诞夜，我深思

今天几乎就失去了行动的能力——因为拉上了背后，前几天的小巫变成了今天的大巫。。。

也就因为这样，现在连走路、静坐、躺着睡觉、微笑点头的简单事儿，也做不好。更不用说煮饭、购物了。

人永远就是这样，从来没失去的，就是不会觉得可贵。
失去了，却再也得不回来了。。。

今天是圣诞节的晚上，和朋友们一起庆祝这份美好的晚上。
巴斯的圣诞夜，是我意想不到的。
朋友们就是那么的活泼，衬托出了我的不便。

听着土耳其的故事，还蛮精彩的，却发觉，听了也好，不听也罢，只因为，原来一直以来，已为生命里最重要的一环，却原来是那么的琐碎。
还想起那周三国北欧之旅，那种忐忑上路的心，家人的支持、好友的精神鼓励、上帝的眷顾，让我顺利完成完成寂寞却仍然算是精彩的旅程。虽没有朋友的八卦陪伴着，也许自己慢慢习惯了一个人的生活——一切，还好。


今晚再次打给家里，五个弟妹都在家里了。‘姐姐’去亚庇庆祝圣诞，妈妈在家忙着做家务。接着就忙着跟每一个谈着。从二弟的新新手提电话之谈、三弟的新自行车、五弟的补习班、六弟的语文课程表，再加上四妹的泰戏分享——我，就是背后再疼，也忘了疼：）

爱，的力量。


曾经，爱错了。
但爱情，就是盲目的。
真正的爱，没有太多理由，不需太多理智。。。

幸运的，在这有生之年，很快的，顺利地，找到了属于自己另一半。
而有一些，也许是命中注定，会继续寻找，或者从不寻找。
不寻找，是因为认输了、任命了、没必要、忘不了、还是其它千千万万的理由？

很幸运的，正是因为上帝的眷顾，命运冥冥中的安排，遇上了能够让自己信赖、依靠的朋友。
真心好友不说，只要不虚假，我已心满意足。
正因为你们不时的照顾，予我勇气继续积极地活下去，给我坦然正面的面对自己，赐我力量度过每一天。。。

那位永远在适当的时候，提醒我的朋友，谢谢你。
那位默默的一直赞在我身边并不是伸出援手的，谢谢你。
那位偶尔陪伴的，谢谢你。
那位曾经伤害我的，不能了解我的，因为你而让我更成熟的，谢谢你。

还有那位需要我劝导的。你的出现让我看回以前的自己，让我重新断定属于自己的价值。看着你困惑的同时，我只能够默默体会的心情。只望你会早日走出阴霾，重新寻回真正属于自己的那条路。

圣诞之夜路上回家，那种难受的感觉，也予人一种深思的境界。



活了二十三年，也许还没有人生的一半。这条路仿佛走了好久，却还没有走完——只因为更精彩的阶段，还会在后头。。。

而最近，当责任感不泛滥时——

默默想象紧紧抱着她时，那种幸福的感觉。
 

157: 不再让你孤单

Love is all around.

You are not alone.

事实就是真理。

如果成熟代表虚伪，是非不分，是非不分，助纣为虐，那我宁愿一辈子不长大。

一个家庭必须有至少一个负责任的人。

我不希望你帮我分担（这份责任），但我希望（至少）能够体谅我。

一个连家人都不能够体谅的人，是不应该得到任何圣诞礼物的。

信寄出去了就撒不回来了。。。

我们是否主观并不影响事情的对与错，关键在于——我们肯不肯妥协。

妥协不是屈服，不是认输，不是承认自己有错，只是比较爱对方的一方提出和解，以维护双方的感情不受伤害。

其实只要大家互相真正地爱着对方，没有问题是解决不了的。。。

街头的角落

她终于和他在一起了。

听了，以为自己会有难受的感觉。

但，让我自己惊讶的，除了坦然，还是坦然。

当责任感比任何都重要时，也许这就是会发生的事情。

对于她来说，这应该就是一份，来的是时候的圣诞礼物。

原来缘份，就是这么离奇。

原来幸福，就在街头的角落。

在那茫茫人海中，唯有转对了方向，才能够会心，找到属于自己的那个 ：）

Grand Dinner

Having dinner today with Kacey.

Briyani rice, black pepper chicken, Mussels soup, chicken with Cantonese curry, fried lettuce with mushroom, peacan and butterscotch ice-cream, Bailey cheesecake...

OK, that's too much...

And a nice chat for about 3 hours...


Learned so many new Chinese terms today...hohoho...

To be alone or to not be alone, is a personal choice, sometimes.

Merry Christmas, mon ami.

Pre-Christmas

Spending my quite time in Bath now, prior Christmas.

People have started their shopping spree ages ago, I suppose.

While doing my project, I was more than delightful to be able to catch up with a few old friends at the same time.

Kacey will be away soon. She is such a nice housemate to talk to. I will definitely miss her cookings, plus those long chatting session with her.

And exchanging academic view with Palak was indeed making up my day, as well...

I even started to be showered with a few appreciations from those that I had sent my personal Christmas wishes previously. This is honestly, totally unexpected and I was grateful - indeed small deed from me, big impact on others - so true :)

I know quite a few of my friends are still enjoying the warmth of Turkishs now. Wishing that they are having a good time, there.

Living abroad for this short period of time totally changed my horizon and view on everything - academic, relationships, friendships, love, work, money...

Thanks for everything...My sole wish now is just to become a great pharmacist, anywhere where I am expected to serve and be responsible. May God grant this to be true.

PK Merry Christmas, Med. Chem. Merry Christmas, Pharmacy Practice Merry Christmas...hohoho :D

 

My favorite song is on OneFM now

'Your favorite song is on OneFM now...'

A simple message.

That's friend.

The person that know the little bits of your life - tiniest and sometimes, the pettiest part.

That's what's friends are for...I suppose?

Thanks mon ani, you definitely brighten up my day, today.

 

Cinta Syura dan Shila

Syura:





Shila:



and some Shila's younger songs that I knew earlier :)

Cinta Misha

Revision on a few Malay songs that has accompanied me when I was a teenager :)

Playing emotions, feelings and loves

Just finished another love drama.

It was indeed so sweet to watch those actors and actress to be so sweet to each other, to get in love, to get married, etc, etc.

However, are words of love such an easy thing to say, just like that?

Is that means love in a movie, no matter how true it seems like, is just another white lie at the end?

No wonder actors are so hard to be, because you are playing with your emotions, with your feelings, with your loves...

I must have been too free to find a rational face when watching these drama...

Recent Thoughts - Last Week of Semester 1

Today suddenly feel there's so much to update, and so I think better do it now. Before I simply forget about it...

Today is the gathering of so called 4th year Pharmacy students, for us...

It was claimed to be staff/student dinner - and eventually only a staff turned up at the end...which is quite sad...

I personally have to admit that I feel Dr L is really supportive enough to attend our functions - although he himself may be aware that he won't enjoy it that much at the end - although on the other hand - it's not up to me to decide whether someone will enjoy his night or not...

He's indeed quite nice, although a bit boring sometimes...

I did feel to start a proper conversation with him - which I realised I did not really have the courage at the end...may be due to that story at the early semester...

Due to certain planning and arrangements - I did not manage to get supervised by him - but I know that, he will be a great supervisor :) Which turned out to be quite true, as what I know from my friend now...

May be it's all fate at the end...

***

Just spend another 170 pounds on air ticket about 1 week ago.

However that's not for myself - it's for beloved dear sister.

I don't really dare to let her spend CNY alone in KL for a week...

I called Rick, he said, why need to waste money...

Jack had to reply, I just not dare to do so...

Plus actually, I remembered my innocence emotion when I was at Pre-U level as well - when I always longed to go home. At that time, perhaps there's nothing nicer than back to the home sweet home, even for just a couple of days...

Time flies, things changes - physically, emotionally, socially, mentally...

However, the same feeling suddenly come back again - I wish to grant my sister wishes to go home,even if she did not expressed that too explicitly.

If I can afford it - then why not?

Happy CNY my dear. I hope to see you next next year if God will let us to...

***

It's the final week of my semester 1.

That's it.

Time flies, my dear...

And it will be Christmas soon.

I know there is no Turkey for me this time.

However I know that, as long as I am clear with what I need in my life -  I will be happy.

I hope to have a merry Christmas this time. Although I am not celebrating it at Lapland or Rovaniemi...

Merry Christmas 2012 and Happy New Year 2013 :)

A Friday

I must be pain in the ass to someone now...but apology when I said my heart was just not there, REALLY...

Christmas in coming. How this Christmas gonna work out this time really? I was wondering, and I am wondering...

***



***

A woman marries a man with the hope that the man will change
A man marries a woman with the hope that the woman will not change

That's why in the end, both of them end up with disappointment...

- A. Einstein -

***

Paradoxically, the person that you can hate most / can hate you most, is the person that you know / know you so well...

- JH -

Identity

I think someone may think about this problem directly, or indirectly. Some always, some never...

That's it.

To find your own identity.

Real identity.

What you want to do in your life...

What you like, and what you dislike...

What you want to have...

What you need to have...


Gradually, with the help of friends, I discover my own identity...

However, will people be happy for it, or not?

To be honest, people never care anyway - as long as you do not interfere with the tranquility in their life.

However, the society has been shaped in such a way that, people don't care about you (your happiness, especially), but they like to become judgemental, in such a way, that actually it will interfere your life...

I know, because indirectly, I am one of the 'people' too, as above...


Yet eventually...

Who you live your life for?

Is it yourself? Someone? Or others?

***

Happiness is actually just around the corner...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=70qETSuAWko


Credit to my Manchester friend :) Thank you very much :)
 

A little excitement in a monotonous life

Early winter

In the early winter of Bath, I suddenly miss my friends and family, back in Malaysia, so so much...


How's Ang Ang's STPM?

What's her speciality at the end?

How are them in general?


***

I am getting further and further away from her.

Yet I know that she is getting closer and closer to her real love.

I smiled, silently, because I know I had made the right choice before.

If you know you can't make someone happy, let her go, she deserves a better one.


***

Waiting for a reply now, silently...

Jingle bell, jingle bell...


 ***

 

23112012 之日记一则

今天庆祝婉茹的生日。

大家都很开心。

而我也好久好久，没有像今天这么轻松了。

人哪，累了，总得要停下来，休息，哪怕一下。。。

好珍惜能和大家在一起的时光。

只因为，再过多八个月后，咱们不知在何时何地，才能（在次）相见。

***

其实，隐隐约约，我的一部分，有想去土耳其的冲动。

但更多的我认为：
我，有一些放不下；
我，不想失去自己；
我，有更重要的使命。。。

感谢那周孤独的旅程，我变得坚强多了。我不再怕需要一人上路。。。只因为，只要有积极的信念，四海皆顺也。。。

伊斯坦布，那座跨越欧亚大陆的大城市。。。


***

回家的路上。

路过的河水 ，清澈的稀里哗啦。

想起英国的冬天，正式来了。。。

今天五点就做完了lab works。。。然后就和groupmates肩并肩，浩浩荡荡的走下Bathwick Hill 。。。

举头望明月啊：）

再想起，Kenny 对我说，有些人，总是埋怨自己的孤独。

学习让自己变成自己的好朋友， 而我，还在慢慢学习着。。。

走着走着。。。突然想起：最近的你，还孤独吗？

***

"You are the best thing that ever happened in my life."

That is so touching - yet the truth is, some words are just so hard to be pronounced clearly in the real life...

IQ

The topic in the lab today is about IQ.

It's quite a shame when research showed that a proportions of teenagers that should for GCSE (SPM) only have the reading ability as a 10/11-year-old.

While some people cannot understand it, I cannot understand why they generally cannot understand such a situation...

It's quite prominent like in a small town where I came from.  People that suppose to sit for the same examination have different level of intelligence (IQ).

Some people are gifted and therefore they understand many things easily and quickly, while some people may need some time to digest and take up things, while some may be even not that lucky, they try to understand but they just cannot.

Acceptability of a particular knowledge just depends on too many factors - interest, environment, family influence, brain physiology, language, etc...

Even like a pharmacist, if a patient just cannot understand what you are saying - it does not mean that they are stupid, or they pretend that they do not want to listen to you. If you try to put in more patience and empathy, may be that will make you realise that, some patients just cannot understand - why not adopt another way(s) to help him/her then? Carer, social worker, diagram, picture...

I think the main issue is due to time factor as well as "I cannot be bothered" factor - people become especially realistic once they step into work place, generally...

So if the next time if someone said they don't understand, and you know, and you have the time, why don't try to explain to him/her in a simple way? With the hope that he/she will understand - and even if he/she only partially understand or still do not get it, believe that he/she will be grateful to you, just because of your patience, willingness and generosity.

Only when you fall in the shoe(s) you start to know more about life - and sometimes I wonder - am I too lucky, or not, for that?

Diary for 17112012

I had a great trip to Southampton with mon amis today.

It's been ages since I get on a car in UK. Of course, I was not the one driving...

The surroundings were just awesome. We passed through a few cities / towns, including Salisbury, Endover (interesting name to me) and...etc...

Leaves on the way were either yellowish or orange - the colour of a typical autumn. It will be my last autumn in the UK...Still remembered how the autumn celebrated my arrival in Bath as well, about 3 years ago...

Today was just a plainly leisure trip - we had some lunch (Chinese), followed by a shopping trip, accompanied by a German Christmas Market just in front of West Quay :) Everybody seemed so happy and cheerful. I decided to become a tourist with the camera again, eventually...

Then finally the dinner part, it was the lobster starter followed by typical Chinese dinner with a combination of dishes. Simon was just sooooooo funny. Poor Simon? He longed for traditional British food just after two consecutive Chinese dishes in a single day. At least there will be Sunday Roast tomorrow so no worries...

Finally, home, not too late, just that the mahjong session was cancelled as well...arrgghh.......

The funniest thing is, my biggest purchases for today came from two shops: Poundland and 99p shop.

Kirstin asked me, what was the difference, anyway???

Well man, the answer is obvious - with 99p you get 1p change when you pay 1 pound isn't it?

Thanks to Kenny, Guarino, Carol, Cindy, Joo, Chi Chin, Yean, Simon and Kirstin...It was really great to be away from Bath, even if it was just for a day :)

***

I could saw the great unity of Malaysians when I paid them a visit.

Happily living together under the same roof and forming a great support network...

I could see that for a long time ago - and it is a phenomenon that perhaps I had missed so much, intrinsically...

I gave up the chance when it came to me few months ago, and therefore I have no excuse for bearing the results now...

Perhaps only after you miss something then only you will start to appreciate it. The typical words of wisdom...

I wish I have such an easy-going housemates, where actually I can forget mouthful of English for a while and start to revert back to Malay. Malay language that had accompanied me since baby always give me a sense of warmth...

***

When you love someone so deeply, any sacrifice that you made for him/her will not be considered as a sacrifice anyway...

You will be willing to go for that extra miles of distance - although you may not see the final smile on his/her face...

Eventually you just want to sincerely wish him/her the very best...

As love always exist...so as the hope...


***

Falling For You

Too many happened

Too many happened without myself realising it, recently...

1. My birthday gift expiry date is almost due I suppose - while I need to say goodbye, I wanna say a huge thank you as well for all the good memory...

2. When you try to fight for something although you know that the outcome may be not that favourable at the end. Sounds complicated, perhaps the fighting process is enjoyable anyway. Although it is heart-breaking to get the result, perhaps you will regret if you never ever fight for it. Well, at least, that's me.

3. I know the world has always been that realistic - but when the person that you can trust most start to doubt your personality - you will continue to believe him. At the same time, you should be happy because he has grown up, or be sad because he needs to give you some hard time?

4. It is more than touched when you realise that your friends will not always abandon you (alone). However perhaps the right news will not always come at the right time.

5. Due to inspiration from prescribing course, I started to made my sibling sending me some weekly task as well online so that I can monitor his progress (lol).

6. Mom was started on some medication. I know I am looking at the BNF 63 when I gave her the counselling but at least it's better than the doctor that never tell patients anything in Malaysia...On the other hand, how can a long-term medication can just be supplied for a month?

7. I keep smiling when I looked at the latest photos of my siblings at everywhere in Malaysia. Some of them reminded me of my very own personal experience. I feel so proud of them and hope that they are always alright.

8. Finally I feel that I will go back to Malaysia and (hopefully) become a great pharmacist there. I am not sure how much that I can do but perhaps whatever that I feel is the best. I look very forward to work with some of my friends as well.

The shape of my heart

You are my everything

The 'teenagerhood'

I looked at my pictures of my sister for a while.

It brought me a small sense of happiness, and a feeling of nostalgia.

Some events at UCSI quickly flashes through my mind.

Yet what's history, is history. It was a while ago. And the reality is, we need to move on.

While I am 'happy' risking myself by making a decision - when I look at my sis, my bro, I suddenly be cautious, be considerate, and finally, I stopped.

Because eventually, this is not just about my future...

祝你，祝我，生日快乐！

在英国，还有三个小时，将是我的另外一份生日。
在大马，我的生日，早就到了。

打着这份部落格的同时，才惊觉——妹妹的生日，到了，哈——还没有祝福她呢=）

今年的生日，恐怕就是在异乡的最后一次。

有那种憧憬，向往着那一份美好，但在同时，却又像压抑着，想维持那份平常心，只因为，不想再失望一次。

好久好久，一直都是一个人。

当了那个传统的大哥哥，好久好久了。

隐隐约约的，一直都希望自己也能终有一天，就像是谁的弟弟一样被呵护着。

等着大哥大姐，煮饭给我吃，帮我出头，让我任性撒娇，再让我因为不断的叮咛而嘟起嘴来。

其实，上帝好早好早，就送上了我这一份礼物。

我没有离开，我失去了一些我梦想的，同时，却让我得到一些我意想不到的。

至少这样，我的人生，也会因此，少了一份遗憾。

感谢、感恩、感激。。。


Ma soeur, ma soeur, joyeux anniversaire! 

Je m'ennuie de ton sourire.

 

Je t'aime, comme toujours.




 

我的歌声里

你存在

我深深的脑海里

我的梦里

我的心里

我的歌声里

世界之大 为何我们相遇

难道是缘分 难道是天意

散場的擁抱

不过才几天，我又重新怀抱希望、梦想未来。

活下来的人，他的悲伤与罪恶感，面对梦想和现实很容易让步。

希望他可以在未来，不停偿还着悲伤和罪恶感。

***

“所以太阳才会每天升起嘛。。。”

“太阳永远都是站在原地未动，是地球像疯子般要绕着太阳转的。”

***

错一次是人，错两次就不能怪人。

***

Week 1 & Week 2

A short two weeks - yet the journey looks like, long enough...

Prescribing course started since Week 1. And I love it. I love the consultation process, the clinical knowledge involved, and the way to explain as clear as possible...

Because we will be, PHARMACIST.

However, I feel shamed as so far, only 4/11 of my groupmates have voiced out, anything. I really hope this is an opportunity where we will learn together, actively brainstorm, exchange idea, summarise, etc. Perhaps I am hoping slightly too much, again.

And the final year, yeap final year, is actually not that long anymore. I hope to live my life to the fullest. I see some people go, and then some people come (back) to me, in my life. Some of the unfamiliar one, is partially my family now. Some that used to be so close to me, due to the challenge of distance and time, gradually lost the bond, with me.

I still wanna thank 'yuan fen', anyway. It's by chance that we can to know each other, and grow together.

Again, I made mistake, but hopefully to learn from it, and it will contribute to my maturity. I don;t want to use the excuse that 'we are still so young' to be excused from any mistake, yet as long as it's not the most horrendous version, I still wanna seek forgiveness from you, as well as from myself.

Busy with project, prescribing (course), readings, drama, family, friends, societies, so what else?

When you start to seek for external elements to calm yourself - it's the time to stop, it's the time to rest, it's the time to think... Just don't, lose yourself =)

Project's Reflection

I start the 'research project' this semester - which will be for about 2-3 months.

With some kind of fate and again, inconfidence in myself - I finally engaged in the pharmacology research now - to investigate the respiratory mechanism.

Only this year I start to feel that I can see the real truth in research - it's really to investigate something that we don't (really) know to reveal another truth of the Mother Nature.

When I was in my school, and even in the 1st few years in the university, all the experiments were done for the sake of doing it - we just follow the procedures as described in the workbook, and then submit a report (if needed), and yeah, that's it.

While now, it's kind of a very different perspective - we try to investigate something with our 1st experiment, and with the result and some consideration with the latest experimental result - we will consider how to carry out the 2nd one, and so on...In short, there is no definite full stop for our research. Perhaps this is the real face of research in everyday life - as carried out by those professional researcher...compared to those that may have been expert for years, what we are doing now is definitely is just a very small amount then...

See a rat to be killed everyday is not that nice, to be honest. The moment before, it was taken from the cage, then it was comforted gently, and then - killed humanely! Now I see why the animal rights fighters are that noisy - may be the animals have the right to live peacefully and happily as we the human. Therefore when you see each medicine that you (or other people) are taking now, be appreciative to those animals - especially rats, rabbits and monkeys that had been sacrificed...

Start to carry a research on your own, with a whole set of experimental apparatus, in front of you, and you are 'so called' in charge of everything - is 'kind of' a nice feeling that this is really a research, eventually. To be honest, I never ever dreamed that I will be able to be here today, and to start to pick up the confidence gradually - to do a proper research.

A 'pharmacology pharmacist' - while pharmacists are trained to be knowledgeable in pharmacology - not everyone of us have that single chance to enter the pharmacology lab and start to be engaged in those pharmacology works - honestly the feeling of just reading it and doing it - is totally different! I appreciate the fact that The Pharmacy Department is able to provide us with the facilities and chance to do research, also, in microbiology, pharmacy practice, biochemistry, medicinal chemistry, pharmaceutics and pharmacoepidemiology/drug safety.

I still kind of confused now - however I realise I have to be responsible, definitely, for all my actions. And I know, eventually, that is the compulsory route, towards adulthood.

If I have the chance to go back to the past, I wish God will clear my mind so that I may take another route. May be I will feel the other around then. Yet yeah, the sleepless nights to all the internal dilemma to make a decision in the end - the pain and sacrifice behind it - I guessed no other people will know rather than the person him/herself.

 

A Moment of SPLURGE

To be an honest son, means that I will pour out almost 90% of my daily routine - be it a problem or a happy news - to my beloved family members...

Sometimes such a policy makes me think - I realise that a lot of my friends / peers don't really tend to do so - either because they don't have much problem in their life, or simply because they do not want to make their parents worry - and will rather just keep everything to themselves.

This makes me reflect: is that really the best way to do it? When you have a huge problem and you feel that the whole world is trying to disappoint you in every single way that it can - and you feel that you need that extra arm for support...it's great to know that the door of 'casa' is always waiting for you, and now, I feel slightly much better when I know I have a few (close/best) friend where I can share my problem, my concern...sometimes they may actually take a passive by just listening, however, it's really better than digging a hole and hiding yourself inside it - at least - I will think so, personally.

Perhaps we just have to admit human being can be kind of week sometimes, somewhere - and it's difficult to keep yourself as a tough, strong 'superman', all the time.

However, I do not want to make 'honesty' as a chance to actually complaint about every single thing in my life - because I know I will be regarded as 'problematic' instead - which is something that I try to avoid, really.

To be honest, to 'voice out' your concern is really important, especially when it is still in the stage where everything still have a good chance of being rectified. Even you may not get the best result at the end, at least you have tried... well well, to be honest, I don't know how true that actually to every person, yet I just don't want to keep a big stone pushing on my heart forever...

To be honest, to voice out concern, to not suffer in silence - a problem shared is a burden shared... think about it.

SPLURGE finished! 

好难得走火入魔

Family Light

Today I just to remind myself - when family is most reliable support that you can rely on.

That day I told mama about my worry after I break something - I doubted that others will actually 'care' about it anyway - but obviously what she told me later showed that she did remember what I have said - even myself actually have forgotten for what I have said...

That day even though she was in the middle of her holiday - aunty still willing to help me to pick up my stuff at the other side of the country - crossing national and international boundaries - I doubted how many people is ready to make such a sacrifice as what she had done.

Perhaps family is one the best thing that can happen in your life - at least when you feel that the whole world has let you down - you still have that single shed of light, shining in the middle of a long long night......

With love,
J x

中秋节反思

Officially is in the process of sickness now. May be not Fresher's Flu (since I am not a fresher anymore) - may be more like a cold, in nature. But my backache is my real headache now - feel it is more like muscular sprain but not that sure - when the paracetamol and ibuprofen is going to work...?

Anyway, just finished reunion with the girls at 66.

Their 'cheerfulness' and hospitality did brighten up my heart, a bit.

女孩子们的喧闹反而衬托了我内心的寂寞。其实，日子久了，我渐渐地发现：我对太多人的场合容易反感。这是anti-social吗？我，不懂。

但是，至少有了他们的陪伴。当那些蜡烛被‘亮’起的当儿，我的心，也隐隐约约雀跃起来。

走过熟悉的Moorland Road, Herbert Road 和 West Avenue，还是老样子——就连心情，似乎也是一样。走哇走哇，才隐隐发掘：对于有些问题，我一直以来，一直都没有解决的办法，所以惟有不停不看不闻不问。。。只因为，我，没有更好的办法。

今晚的月亮，很圆很圆。虽然乌云密布，为含羞的月亮增加几层神秘的面纱，但今晚的月亮，还是很圆很圆。

明天就要开课了——Officially, 这将是我的大学生涯，最后一年，的第一天。没有多少份期待。。。但我终相信——该来的，总是要来的。船到桥头，自然直：）

"Happy back to uni." - Well, thanks guys, you too :)

Sighing on Mooncake Festival

An extract from a drama that I would like to share:

'At least I have learnt one more thing: At the end of the day, you are actually alone, on this world...'

"You ask yourself how can this happen to you, and may be, only you....How the Earth can keep turning...Nothing make sense anymore. All you feel is just tremendous pain..."

"And eventually, the sun shines again, and the birds, are chirping..."

"NO...The pain becomes duller, and becomes a part of you...BUT...it will never fade away, completely..."


Today is the mooncake festival - and in Bath and North East Somerset now...the sky is gloomy, the colour is grey...

However, I will wait for the nightfall...When the moon shines again...it's the moment of reunion - with friends, family and simply, those that you love, so much...

***

An extract:

Have you ever love someone?
Did you once love someone?

Someone who made you think...
The one that you belonged to?

You can't just searched for someone like that...
(S)he finds you...and suddenly...
Everything makes sense.
It just feels whole.
Complete.

Suddenly, everything seems somehow possible.
Everything is yours to have.
And, there is none to stop you.
It's the most beautiful feeling that exists.

And perhaps...
This is the first time you feel like this, in your life.

Actually we have changed - to a 'better me' ?

Recommended songs from my friend - Nebula.

Enjoy!

and

Actually we all have changed - but - are we changing for the better?

FaCT or FaKE

Down.

Maybe SAD is started again, gradually...

Suddenly realise, may be we don't have to know all the truths in our life.

Sometimes, turn on a blind eye, or a deaf ear, is a better solution than anything else.

And sometimes, perhaps, a white lie, works better than a truth.

How many truth is important in our life, for our life, to our life, anyway?

In short, faCT or faKE, sometimes, doesn't matter, at all.

Because may be deep inside your heart, you have known the ultimate truth, anyway...

OR may be because, well, you will rather believe a white lie, rather than a truth, which can reveal selfishness, cruelty, brutality, or may be, worse...

** What if I love someone but it's just not enough to marry him/her?
** Then you must tell him/her...
 

My good friend

A good friend is someone that you feel close to you.

Someone that will encourage and motivate you in the moment of misery.

Someone that will be happy for you and your success, even just a small one.

Someone that dare to share every small, petty pieces of life puzzles.

Someone that will always be there for you even though separated by time and distance.

Someone that you will want to send your deepest and sincerest regards.

Someone that you will keep on your mind, in the moment of joy, sorrow and even nothing.

Someone that you simply can present the reality of yourself.

I never realise that I will be so lucky to have a good friend in my life.

Only until just now, I start to realise.

Dear, thanks to come into my my life.

I am sorry if my happiness is your sorrow.

I am sorry if I cannot reply to your every message, instantly.

Thanks to be my source of motivation, inspiration and determination.

Thanks to give me the strength to move on.

You know how much I appreciate you, just like you.

Last but not least

*** Friendship Forever ***

谈恋爱

今天得知一位朋友‘终于’已经与另一位朋友，开花结果。

顿时间，很感慨——好久以前，仍然守护着那份约定：谁以后先找到‘另一半’的，大家都要请他/她一餐哦！

光阴似箭——如今，所谓儿时的约定，终于到了实现的时候。

隐隐约约记得当初和大家所说的，属于我自己的故事。父亲曾经对我说: 缘份是一件很微妙的东西——该来的时候，就会来了；若时间还没到，你怎么急也好，它就是不来。

我曾经以为，属于我的缘份已经到了，然而时间和事实证明了——再怎么急，还没来的，就是还没来。

那一天晚上，她问我：我们之间，可能吗？

我犹豫了片刻；若是以前的我，也许会毫不犹豫地脱口而出：为什么不呢？但现在，历尽了些许沧桑，开始体会了人生的苦与乐；我开始体会：勉强不幸福，幸福不勉强；我开始领悟，爱情不应只为爱而爱——爱情是一份承诺，一份责任。。。
所以最后，我心里默许着，他，能比我给予你更多的幸福。。。

在这个快熟面思维泛滥的社会，什么都要又快、又准，就连爱情，年轻人尤其，也是如此对待。正因为为爱而爱，所以昨天的朋友是今天的情人，今天的情人是明天的ex。。。‘我爱你’是很简单的三个字———但其中博大精深的含义，又有多少人能够真正理解、体会、实践？

真正的祝福更不应只局限表面的言语。真正的爱情是心里最真诚的祝福，实际上最实际的行动。爱一个人，不代表需要拥有她的全部，不需要常常陪伴与其左右。让一个更爱她的人细心呵护着她，在适当的时候放手，也许更是爱真正的体现。

感谢你曾经出现于我的生命中。我曾经，被你狠狠的伤害过。但我更了解，爱情是重要的人生一环，却并不是一切——只因为自己的人生，还需要对家庭、朋友、社会、国家交待。

也渐渐习惯了你不在身边的陪伴。虽然有时仍会在深沉的夜里，偶尔想起一些过去；但我更知道，我更需要展望明天。

愿你快乐，祝你幸福。

同时，我也不会忘了：
祝我快乐，愿我幸福。

只因为不懂得爱惜自己的，更没有资格去爱别人。先学会爱惜自己，才能够真正地喜欢、珍惜、守护着她。

朋友的定义

原来每个人的心里面，都有个位置，可以将朋友放进去。无论是对方的喜恶、立场和需要，甚至是坏习惯，统统都可以放得下。

你会和好的朋友分享你的一切。就算是生活上最细微的事情，只要你觉得有趣，哪怕只是小小的感动，你和对方都会很愿意一起分享，而且绝对不会嫌你烦。

面对朋友是不需要掩饰自己的。开心时可以和大家分享，在不开心时也可以坦白说出来。就算有再大的争执，只要大家明白之后，一样可以继续有说有笑，变回以前的老样子。

好的朋友会支持你的一切，也会释放出善意的激励推动彼此进步，而且不会计较得失，陪你走过风风雨雨，成为永远支持你的力量。

你可以在朋友面前大声笑，也可以在朋友面前尽情地哭。

拥有一个好朋友，你将会得到的，绝对是意想不到的快乐与温暖。

Being a kid

I remembered when I was a kid, everything is just so simple and easy, most of the time. I am those kind of 'pathetic' - finish all homework given by the teachers or I will feel like hell, go to no parties, no tuitions, etc etc...

There was a time when it was raining, and as you know due to gravity, water will flow from the rooftop to the ground. I was living in a wooden house that time, so there was no sophisticated water chanelling system - all rain water just gone down in a 'splash' - like that!

Then one day father uses the rain water to bath (of course with the brief on OK??? That's interesting. Then one day when it was raining heavily, my brother and I decided to do the same thing. Hahaha - it was quite fun, and I suppose we comnbined showering and playing in the water together...

Suddenly when I was facing the shower in the hostel I started to be lead back to these nostalgia again. Memory is such a random thing -  any drawers of memory can simply be opened at any time, seems like - I wish it will work well during exams then...

Back to the story, I had almost one week so called 'lonely' being abroad. Now I am at Stockholm, where the keyboard is 'fun' (well, it's interesting but I kind of dislike it as I don't get that used to it...). For example you can type these special characters straightaway - ö Ö ä Ä § ½ å Å - alolo I should promote the same thing when I was at Helsinki leh - the keyboard is slightly different, again...

Well travelling alone is not that bad - You go to places that you like at the time that you like, or when the right time comes - and then you get to see the things that you like (which hopefully is what you intend to see). And some points, it's either you are approached by a friendly stranger or you are approaching a stranger so you start to be engaged in some interesting conversation that may help you to understand where you are better - and save the hassle from flipping through those travel guide over and over again when may be it is not even there...

I have to get ready now anyway. Better stop now. Till then, adjö!

Mon père

Sometimes I wonder: To have an 'atypical' father compared to most other 'normal' family, I get used to it, of course, yet the idea is still kind of strange to me.

Well, at least he never did anything too wrong, at least he stays with us, at least he loves us, so much...

May be the way he raises us is what I feel... a bit strange...yet the paternity love, is, the same.

离别的机会

看着三弟很刻苦地学习。。。我想起了以前的我——失去所谓的童年，忘了如何做人。。。

我害怕他将会像我一样——面对现实社会的残酷时，几乎被彻底的打败，完全失去招架之力。。。

原来，生活永远就是没有那么的如意。

唯有熬过去了，才会重遇曙光 =）

在这漫长的路上，我感谢一直以来能够继续向我伸出援手的朋友们——让我每每在人生中困惑的当儿，给我引导，予我勇气，赐我机会，让我能够重新给自己定义，继续坚强地走下去 =）

(离开家里几乎一年了)
On placement, 当我有一天locuming的时候, 当时还听我的tutor说："oh guys, poor Jackie, he's not gonna see his family for at least one and a half years..."

而我当时能够做的，惟有静静微笑 =）

离开家里久了，也没再说想念不想念的。反正自己是家里的长子，家里还有几个小瓜要让父母“操心”，所以自己也许，也没啥好担心的。

反正那天就和一位“失而复得‘的朋友说了：反正自己就是永远讨厌要离开时的那种惆怅和不舍。。。既然这样，那干脆就不要制造离别的机会。。。

听起来，也真还带着徐志摩再别康桥, 那种淡淡离愁却有一场潇洒的情怀。。。

好多朋友，将要远走高飞了。离开属于自己熟悉的领域。。。Karad, Liverpool, Perth, London, Lyon, Newcastle。。。生活永是这样——人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全——而我只能静静地祝福他们。。。

酒醒后的早晨

隐隐约约仍然伤害我的——是那一个人，是那一份过去，是那一份回忆，还是那一份无奈？

还是，像往常一样，是一切？

但老实想回来，三年过去，朋友们陪伴度过的每一份旅程，也许已经是上天对我无微不至的眷顾。。。

有时，难听些——人就是想要再贪心一点。。。

我只能够祝福他们快乐、幸福，再好好过上属于自己的日子，只因为，我必须对我自己的人生作出一份交待。

When my life is not just about my adventure

Whereever you are, have a nice and safe journey, always!

Breakfast at McDonalds

Dear Friends,

A very touching incidence and this has

prompted me to share this with my friends.

Regards

MY FRIENDS THIS IS NOT A CHAIN MAIL BUT A MAIL GIVEN & PASSED ON OUT OF LOVE.................... READ ON  =) GOD BLESS You may have read this before….but it is good reading it a second time around!  Thought for today........... A Return is Requested....You'll see why. Breakfast at McDonald's This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!): I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.' The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling' His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance... He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.  That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging  my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.' I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.' I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son... When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?' I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to  LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. There is an Angel sent to watch over you. In order for her to work, you must pass this on to the people you want watched over. An Angel wrote:  Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart To handle yourself, use your head...  To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest. Send it back, you'll see why ! A box of gold  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* With a secret inside that has never been told *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* This box is priceless but as I see *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The treasure inside is precious to me *~*~*~~*~~ Today I share this treasure with thee *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* It's the treasure of friendship you've given me. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Light by 6

Walking very quietly down Shaftesbury Road again.

After a short period of darkness, the light bulb, with the very brief no.6, gave out the light again.

Bright. Warmth. Even if just for a short time.

All the way from Junction Road to Coronation Avenue...

This will end, either tomorrow, or by next week...

From hatred to 'get used', and now, the state of 'not afraid'...

Moving to a new house - sounds like another new phase in your life - when in the end, all the worries and hard works - are kindly supported by those friends that are still willing to lend their helping hand.

171 - A house which is still home, at least for this moment, that again, a place where I faced another growth phase in my life...

'Mate(s)' will be back soon anyway. Then I will have to start to learn to live alone...

May be God will arrange someone later, may be.

English-Chinese-German-French @ 英中德法

***

又要，搬家了。

很快，还剩下半个月。

这次的不舍，比去年，好多了。

这么熟悉的一切，我几乎一年的安乐窝、避风港。。。

想起当时，还得自己卖家具，亲自动手，白天需要工作，晚上则需要‘开夜车“—— 当时，一块木，一根钉，慢慢地，建立起这属于我自己的安乐窝。。。

而如今，又要走了。

谁要帮我搬家啊。。。Hmm。。。



171陪伴我度过的一切，从第一学期的忐在忑不安。。。到第二学期的默默煎熬、等待——一直到现在。

 感谢你让我体会进一步长大的那份感觉。。。

悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄地来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。

然——记忆，一直都在。

***

Finally...

A modern English song for you =)

http://youtu.be/_hqpi-lLiwI

Suggested by my friend that just came back from Paris...

Then...

Two songs for you.

Old, nostalgic Chinese songs...

That I suddenly miss so much...

Because I miss mum?

Hmm  :)...

and 

***

We used to be best friends, and now we can't look into each other's eyes.

It happen that people fall in love with each other even though they were friends before and that's really no big drama.

But you are creating your own drama because you are not making a decision.

***

 Confirmed！

Elle ira à la France!

It's a lifetime decision. 

It's her decision.

Because I know her - I really hope, this is the best decision, for her future.

All the happiness, sadness, worries and frustration ...

Because I love you, so much.

"Parce que je t'aime, beaucoup"

***

Budapest and Prague: So many thoughts and recollections

It's finally the moment when I just come back from Budapest and Prague, when I finally can kind of settle down...

A short walk along the Coronation Avenue...
A short visit to the park...
A cup of iced coffee in the park...

I will do everything quietly, and hopefully peacefully...
Because when the exam is finally over - it doesn't mean that you need to stop studying.

This is the last summer in UK, anyway...

***

For a long period of time, I asked, and believed.
Yet as time went, passed by, a friend asked me, a colleague asked me...
And slowly, my trust that stood firmly on a stone, started to shake, moved on to a sandy basement. Yet I still choose to believe, although the friendship faded away, yet the whole sincerity, I thought, still remains there...
And, when finally, the moment came, when I finally realised the fake truth, that I used to be convinced to believe, for a long time, I shaked...I closed my eyes...

And, out of sudden, the surrounding appeared to be virtual - where is the value of sincerity and trust, at the end?

When we always want to try to tear away a page of life and try to start a new, white, whole blank page - may be some of us, will just never ever, stand a single chance.

***

A recent trip to Budapest and Prague, like when visited other European cities - there was always many cathedrals and churches and basilicas...

Whenever I visited these holy places, I am wondering to myself - whenever they made each single place, when the visitors can come to admire and appreciate the beauty, how about for the poor local people that depend on these holy places for their, hopefully, silent prayer...

Some of the places, even seems to demand money, and sometimes, the keeper or officer in charge, seems to be so cold - no money no talk...

I sighed, materialism and commercialisation just attack every single piece of details in our life - love, relationship, jobs, school - and now, even the religion itself...

What a world, really...

***

Whenever I walked down the streets in Budapest and Prague, sometimes I would meet some of the old ladies, or women, some seems to have Parkinsonian movements, some seems to move very slowly with their 'tongkat'...One time, I even saw an old, blind lady, walking just really beside the buzzling road of city of Prague, with only a stick as the guide...

I really want to help them, yet may be I am not brave enough, yet may be I am still selfish, yet may be we are rushing for the next journey - yet indeed - all of them, are the typical excuses - for stop doing something, which actually -  is beneficial...

I started to think of my mum. The hardship of life makes her wrinkles darker, and more, and more.

One day she (although I never hope that she will be) may have the same difficulty like all the women that I have ever saw on the street...

She worked so hard for us, and in the end, while I am enjoying myself all over everywhere in Europe, she was still in our old house, working really hard, and I start to wonder - may be I am still lucky then? Yet is these everything that I really want?

I used to hope that I will be able to join every single trip that mon ami organised - yet as time passed by, as wisdom grow - what's the point of getting every single page of your passport stamped with stamps of all sorts of colours and shapes and dates, really? You gained the so called different experience, saw the so called different cultures, and talked to people of so called different nationalities - while in another part of the world - somebody, your siblings, still in the same small town, studying in the same school, as you have attended before...

I could never ever imagine what will happen to of our siblings, if out of the sudden somebody, whom are so close to us, just leave us away like that....

Then I will hope that I am the one which is taken over, then...

***

Whenever I was in the dinner in Budapest or Prague - sometimes we will be left with some leftover.

I constantly telling my friend that it's so bad of us to waste this and that food.

Of course moderation is vital - hence you shall not force yourself to eat until you start to want to vomit...

Yet at the same, while we are eating to this extent, at another part of the world - people may be struggling for food - or may be, just to make sure they will not starve to death.

Yet I cannot really stand what friend was saying to me - although - well - it is quite true: "Poor people in Africa that have difficulty to get some food - will not get the food - even if we finish everything on the table now..."

The world is just never a fair place to live. Really...

***

The second morning in Prague.

Wake up.

Nirmala.

Yet I did not slept well.

I dreamed of my aunty, in Brunei.

It's not a bad dream, yet I am worried, I did not know why.

I just felt it.

A relatively short and expensive international call to her...comfirmed - something which is indeed quite bad, happened.

I never know. This never happened to me before. You called it telepathy...or any synonyms...

Yet, yet, when you have such a close relationship with someone, you start to live, partially, for him/her too.

God, bless...

***

I recollected too many thoughts in a few recent trips.

Suddenly a short quote from one of the dramas twinkling in my mind:

"In the end, parent(s) are the one that will never betray you. When you only live for your partner/friend, just never forget who is/are the one that will be there to support you, very firmly."

When your partner/friend/sibling can tear your heart away, there is another moment when you calmly rethink / recollecting your thoughts - another hope, may be. =)

***

'In life there is some moment when we really should just give up.'

May be that's true, indeed.

I look forward for another 1.2 years to go - it's not too long from now on.

I sighed, I cried, I prayed - I really just want to be myself - again.

Only when with him I can find my trueself - with no hatred, no worries, where I really can pour out almost everything...

When my sister and I are confused for her future life choice - the friend that I hope can guide me - appeared to be hopeless - while you, although know less, shed another angle of hope and shine...

***

人人常说：别靠上天，要靠自己——这样才会有希望。
但如果这个希望是假的，那这份所谓的希望，
倒不如从来都没有出现过，这样就不会有失望了。

She will go to France

今天看了“女警爱作战”第十六集。。。
一时感触很多。。。

***

曾经曾经，我也一样——我以家人为中心活着——因为爸的不争气，因为妈的含辛茹苦，因为我又像五指头一样的五个弟妹——我就鞭策自己——漫漫的，也许失去了自我，也并没有发觉，而当自己想寻回这份自我时，一切依然渺茫。。。

也许有人活了一辈子，也仍然不知，自己其实在追求一些什么？

也许妈也一样，我知道她的过去并不好受，也许我比她幸福多了——只因我有机会发现自己失去自我的当时。。。（淡笑）

***

很快的，还有一个月，就要离开171了。

真的，必须离开这儿，有点无奈，也有点后悔。。。只能因这儿曾经是我的避风港。。。

有一些随和的housemates，我们的话题不多，但我们依然可以好好的相处。。。

我知道Stu很喜欢听大声的音乐，所以当我一而再，再而三地提醒他，因为考试的关系，需要‘稍微’‘请’他将‘volume’调小时，你会觉得，那是一份天经地义的事情——但回头想着另外一边，至少这是一个合情合理的housemate,有些也许会不屑一顾——而每每享受着那份温习能够变得宁静的同时，心里老是多了一份很温馨的感激。。。

昨天是171的BBQ  Day, 我和他们的话题还是不多，当Stu和Ben看着足球的同时，Ter和他的朋友则在烧烤着，Anuv刚刚踢完足球回来。。。

这一切很宁静很宁静的片刻，很快的，将是另外一份过去式。。。

又要搬屋子了，很累很累。。。想起当初的放弃，变成今日的流浪。。。

那些hassle,time,money,effort, 并不是每个人所能明白的。。。

我倒是需要帮忙的当儿，又能靠谁呢？我静思着。。。

***

今日遇到帮我conduct OSCE Exam 的“病人”。

老实说我的OSCE的确没有像我想象中的顺利，而我那天因没有完成OSCE Patient Counselling, 心里有点郁郁寡欢。。。有点无奈，也有点伤感。。。

但后来遇见她：她提醒了我：
“ You know you have done really well. You thought you have not ask me any questions during the session. Yet you had, you, indeed, have tried to confirm my undestanding throughout the whole session, without realising it yourself. You really have done well Jackie, do not worry... ”

“ You know I have thought I haven't. I was so upset because of that... ”

那种如释重负的感觉，就很像去年很久以前，当我被朋友accused of 一份莫名奇妙的罪名时，我的senior在最后片刻做出澄清的一刻，那种终于能放下心头大石的感觉。。。

趁机感谢“她”，感谢我的senior。。。

“心力交瘁”。。。


***

我很想解决属于眼前的这份问题——但我知道，我，应该不能。。。

也许一直以来，我都太optimistic了，是时候realistic一点了。。。

也许逃避，这份最鸵鸟型的解决方式，至少在这最后的一年里，将是最有效的？

我，不知道。。。（淡笑）

***

妹妹今天得到一份将会影响他的前途的offer 。。。

我希望她会接受，因为我和大弟认为，那是最好的选择。。。

但我一瞬间，也realise that，我们认为最好的，并不一定对她来说，也是最好的。。。

我相信她的能力，我衷心望她能靠着属于自己的感觉，做出最正确的选择，以寻回属于自己的那份蓝天。。。

巴黎的铁塔，静静地lie on the romantic city of Paris - c'est la vie pour ma soeur?

J'ai vraiment l'espère，mais c'est sa vie, pas le mien.

Par conséquent, elle fera la meilleure décision - finale.

***

而有些我需要的帮忙——若不及时，所谓远水救不了近火——而当你能伸出援手的一刻，也许一切以太迟了。。。

帮人要用心，更要及时。。。


***


心里再痛苦，但已长大了——
工作仍然要做好，仍然要向他人负责，依然要向自己做出交待。。。


我，还在等着。。。

Post Exam - Daily 'Log' Analysis

Post exam

Feeling of emptiness
Almost lost ID
A tour around Bath
A chat with those that still being appreciative
A breakthrough cooking
A spoon of BerryWhite
A relieve to my housemate - for being able to listen to music without earphone again

Sometimes - my life - is a blessing, or a curse?

stressed 和 desserts

stressed （压力）和 desserts （甜点），有著很微妙的关系。。。
stressed 倒写就是 desserts...
'stressed is just desserts if you can reverse.'
‘压力就是甜点，只要你能逆向观看。’

人生有许多压力、挫折、转个念、换个角度看，它也就是我们生命中的甜点。。。
所以凡事都要加油哦！

J 草上
2008年11月15日
11:59:47

J 再上
2012年5月21日
11:59:47

GENUINE not FAKE

I just need to find out a truth now...

When everything will jump back to that state of tranquility...or not?

When you regret that everything in the past is a mistake, is it a mistake, on the 1st place?

Is the friendship, just a fake?

Is everything, is really so meaningless for you?

At least when you felt that your life is so hard at that time, s/he is the one, that lend you the hand.

S/he, is the one, that creates the smile on your face.

S/he, is the one, that listens to you at that time.

Even if you choose to take a separate routes now...and may never ever diverge again in the future...

Those memory, those moment, are GENUINE.


J, even if you lost faith in everything, believe me...

' Life is worth to live, and possible to go on in the bitterness, with all these mini-sweeties =) '

Wisdom Quotes: Sharing

-----

“ 小时候摔跤，

总要看看周围有没有人，

有就哭，没有就爬起来；

长大后，遇到不开心的事，

也要看看周围有没有人，

有就爬起来，没有就哭。”

------

“我，不会问不会提，

难过了就一个人不停地走。

我，不会吵不会闹，

心痛了用沉默代替一切。

我，不会哭不会笑，

累了我就会消失一下。

我知道，每条路都很难走，

我知道，我不可以强求任何人。”

-----

【三句简单却值得琢磨的话】

1、你的爱好就是你的方向，

你的兴趣就是你的资本，

你的性情就是你的命运。

2、简单的事情重复做，你就是专家；

重复的事情用心做，你就是赢家。

3、美丽是属于自信者的，

从容是属于有备者的，

奇迹是属于执著者的，

成功是属于顽强者的。

-----

“生活就像洋蔥，一片一片地剥开，

总有一片会让你流泪，不要害怕被人误会；

人生就像鞋子，漂不漂亮別人看得到，

舒不舒服卻只有脚指头知道。”

-----

伤痛是难免的，

那些伤口上盛开的花朵，点缀着我们记忆的风景。

每一次受伤，都让我们思索，探寻着生命中的意义；

都让我们成熟，总要放弃某些东西，才能告别原来的自己；

都让我们坚强，愈合的伤痕能够让我们承受更多；

都让我们珍惜，平易的得到谁都不会在意，

唯有痛楚后才明白，曾经失去的是多么珍贵。

-----

Cited from:

Primary source = 《阅读书房》

Secondary Source = http://janellesy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/blog-post_15.html

Thanks to J for all the sharing of the encouraging words =)

The Beauty of Pharmacy

Bogged down by the so-called revision...

And when was busy revising pharmacy practice side today - I realised, may be I am actully too lucky, to actually choose to do this course, although I have dreamt myself to be such, at the end...

What I mean here, erm, well, simply because, although they keep saying, pharmacy is a course that need to have strong mathematical, biological and chemical knowledge, it needs more than that, actually, I shall say...

Wait wait wait, that sounds only to make everything worse, sounds worse...

Mathematics - you count number of tablets, volume of ampoule, etc etc...
e.g. Mrs JB was prescribed nitrofurantoin 50mg tablets, 1 BD for 4 days. How many tablets should be dispensed for her?

Biology aka Pharmacology - Cellular and molecular signalling, organelles, microbiology...
e.g. Compare and contrast the actions of DMARDs and anti-cytokines in the treatment pathway of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Chemistry - Neurochemistry, chemistry of functional groups, chemical aspect of drug discovery...
e.g. Discuss the mechanism of actions of different types of opioids on mu, delta and kappa receptors - relate these with the structural formulae of various simple and complicated opioids.

Physics (sometimes) - Principles of HPLC, radiography, atomic excitation...
e.g. Discuss the principles of using various iodine isotopes in radiopharmaceutics.

Pharmacy practice - Legality / Law
e.g. Controlled Drugs are not allowed in emergency supply on the request of patient, prescribers or both?

Pharmacy Practice - Ethics
e.g. Mrs ML come to collect the prescription of amoxicillin for her daughter DL. You discovered that DL is on some oral contraceptive pills as well from the patient medication record. You realised that amoxicillin may cause diarhoea hence may render the oral contraceptives she is using to be ineffective. How would you convey this message to DL then?

Pharmacy Practice - Practice
e.g. Discuss the roles of pharmacists in the management of patients with long term conditions such as hypertension, diabetes mellitus type 2, asthma and chronic obsctructive pumonary disease.


Pharmacy Practice - Communication
e.g. Mr HT presenting a prescription for diclofenac, budesonide inhaler and salbutamol inhaler.

There is a clinical interaction there. Discuss how you would approach Mr HT that seems to be in rush and want his prescription to be dispensed immediately?

(Even) Psychology!
e.g. Discuss how we can promote behavioral change to facilitate smoking cessation in a long-term smoker?


So if you are getting sick in the middle of the revision of one subject there was always another subject to be covered. And as a pharmacist, you may end up learning everything, yet isn't that what make this profession so wonderful?

Like one of the indutstrial pharmacy speaker told us before -
'You are the only professional that can talk about everything with all other professions - biologist, chemist, statistician, inspector, regulator, accountant - due to the massive knowledge that we had so that we can deal with any aspects concerning medications, effectively...'.

Nostalgic - Mon les chansons...

Mum, suddenly think of you...

+

My High School Memory...
My Junior School Memory...

Live me alone

Exam is around the corner...

And suddenly, I feel that may be I just need to be alone...

Or the opposite? I am not entirely sure...

When being in that sense of unfamiliarity, suddenly there is another 'slight' sense of security...

Or may be, I just being too kind to myself, and I hate myself, so much, sometimes...

Time can fly, Love will stay

Time flies.

It's almost the end of 3rd year now.

How did I manage to do everything?

And when I skyped back everyone today - I heard an unfamiliar voice, from an unfamiliar face...

It's my youngest brother...

He's changed, so much.

It's hard to realise, when indeed, we was not there when he was still growing up...

It's when we won't have much memory on his childhood, and vice versa...

Time can fly, love will stay, always.

Never fail

我的心肝宝贝，这到底是你的不对，还是我的不是？

[A word by JH]

"I can readily imagine that, through cowardice, rationalisation, or failure of resolve, I will fail in this obligation to protect my loved ones. If so, I think I would need to be excused or forgiven for what I did."


John Hardwig